Yet another free feedback thread.

[SailusGebel]

hey there, if you're still doing this, then here is my story, just write about it here!

A Story of Tests

Welcome to the Reader's Challenges, a series of games, that span 9 worlds, where after you succeed, you win whatever you desire. Crow's mother has fallen gravely ill, and she has been diagnosed with an incurable disease. And so, with what his father left him, and his own strength, he embarks...

www.scribblehub.com

Good day to you. Before I start with the feedback, I would mention that English is my second language. I stopped reading after finishing Chapter Night walker potion.

What can I say? I can address your synopsis and say I won't give your novel a chance. I personally didn't notice info-dumps. At least chapter one wasn't 'info-dumpy' as you said. What I did notice was very bad grammar and writing. And there aren't any questions about the plot. In fact, there are no questions at all. It's a boring, generic beginning, and your synopsis doesn't help.

I said it previously, but I don't think of generic stories as bad ones. I can enjoy them if they are written well. Yours is written badly.

I don't like your style of writing. I don't like how you word your sentences, I don't like how you group your sentences into paragraphs. And I don't like how your text doesn't feel like a proper, cohesive story. I feel like there are bits and pieces you thought of as cool and proceeded to fuse everything into a chapter\story.

Now, I will add a bit more specifics. Let's start with your punctuation.

I will be able to breeze through them like they are nothing!'.

in me? you should know how strong I am! ",

" No! no, no, no! it's no! if you still want to go, then go die for all I care! ",

wait it out. finally, after a few seconds had passed, the headache stopped.

These are just a tiny bit of the most noticeable mistakes. You don't capitalize the first word of the sentence. You almost always don't split your sentences and use commas instead. You don't use commas properly, and so on.

In case you will say that only your first few chapters have such mistakes, here's an example from chapter Test 1: “The Delivery” 5.
"I am sorry, please stop! I didn't want to do this, please stop!".

There are lots of repetitions.
though if you have the money, it isn't guaranteed, but, there is a chance, though

"Ah! what is this? are these really the ingredients needed? ahh! and I need to drink it? it's good that dad said I could add sugar or salt to it, without ruining the potion, since I doubt I will be able to drink it without them, even with them, ah! still,

Not only words, but you also repeat paragraphs.

The potion left to him by his father contained an ability, this ability could only be obtained after drinking the potion he would create by combining whatever was written on the manuscript he was holding at the moment.

To create a potion, many ingredients were needed, but, they were all written on the manuscript his father had left for him.

There is no reason to mention this twice, yet you did.

There are a lot of weird phrases.

Examples
This wasn't any normal ability though, there existed abilities like that, abilities that give you powers, such as fire control, or water control. What does this mean? I don't understand.

his little sister, Cecile, was still a teenager, she was only 18 years old, A quick Google search gave me this. A teenager, or teen, is someone who is between 13 and 19 years old. How come you write she is still a teenager while being ONLY 18 years old? Why use the word only?

" At the very least, you can ask the government to help pay the expenses for her to not suffer in those...last five years of her life...I am sorry my son, I am really sorry! " Huh? Son? I thought MC's father has died.

There is obviously nothing I can say about the story after reading only two chapters. I can mention that your characters don't feel alive.

As usual, I didn't rate your story. But if I had to, 1.75 stars. There are no redeeming features. The only thing I can point out as a plus is that I didn't notice a lot of typos\mistakes in words. But I can't say with certainty you don't have them, because I might've overlooked them.

And a small tip. Add some more tags. Tags can help a reader to understand what to expect from a story. Yes, some tags can spoil the story, but in your case, you have a very barebone synopsis, so adding a couple more tags won't hurt.

 

[lost_cause]

Hey ! Yo rude guy , Mind adding a pinch of salt to my wounds. There might be a few typos and full stop errors. Because somehow after I copied the files from MS word to here. they vanished. Story , trash whatever you may call it, it is in the signature.

 

[SailusGebel]

Hey ! Yo rude guy , Mind adding a pinch of salt to my wounds. There might be a few typos and full stop errors. Because somehow after I copied the files from MS word to here. they vanished. Story , trash whatever you may call it, later is in the signature.

The rules are simple. You post a link to your story,

 

[lost_cause]

Sorry Sir.

The rules are simple. You post a link to your story,

Cliche Story of a Mob Villain

 

[SailusGebel]

Feel free to say what you like. My co-creator and I would be happy to see you be more blunt than a dwarf who's had a few too many drinks. o wo)b

Drunks & Fanatics

Freshly anointed cleric Tessa Vivuk aspires to be a Hero after having been saved by one as a child. But when she attempts to join the Heroes' Guild, the doors are shut on her. Unwilling to give up, she joins the Adventurers' Guild and believes she can earn enough recognition...

www.scribblehub.com

Good day to you. Before I start with the feedback, I would mention that English is my second language. I stopped reading after finishing Chapter 3. Unmet Requisites

I will start with the plot, characters, and so on as I can't say much. Even though there wasn't anything I disliked(apart from one thing), I can't say I liked anything. It's because your story is not my cup of tea.

The one thing that I didn't like was the worldbuilding. When I was reading, I had a feeling that I should already know everything about the world. You omitted details and explanations, yet you used your own pantheon, calendar, and so on. I don't like this.

An example of what I mean. When you introduce Sylvie, you proceed to casually say she has elven ears at the end of the chapter. Is she a human who has long ears? No, she is an elf, and I learn about this at the end of the following chapter.

Imagine I am a silent reader that doesn't leave any comments. I have my own likes and dislikes. I don't care what reasons you have for not doing it, but I want an introduction to the race. I want to understand if your elves are different or the same as elves from other stories. How are they integrated into the world of your stories? The elven race is just an example to explain what I mean.

I will now talk about the technical aspect of your writing.

I will end up speaking about worldbuilding here. Some of your paragraphs are a bit of an info dump. I would've preferred it if you described a different thing.

I saw a comment under one of your chapters saying your paragraphs were too long. That user also said you should split your paragraphs into smaller ones. And I disagree with that but only somewhat disagree. I didn't find most of your paragraphs too long or hard to read, but some of them would indeed look better if you split them. But it's not the main problem from my perspective.

The problem is that you write weird phrases; you have typos and mistakes that can ruin the whole paragraph. A good example of what I mean will be from chapter 2. Running Blind – Part 2.

Eventually finding her own seat, Tessa sometimes forgot just how many students there were, as graduates quickly filled the room to the brim. I don't understand what this means. The part about the seat doesn't have any connection to the following part of the sentence. And this sentence is a part of a lengthy paragraph.

Your writing is good, but stumbling upon such a phrase when I read ruins the immersion and my tempo. And I reread the whole paragraph thinking that maybe I missed something? As I said, the sentence I mentioned above is an example. It doesn't mean that this is the only thing I found.

And now to the weird phrases in your story.

Examples.
a chill ran up his spine from the cold stone touched his bottom. Is this a typo, a mistake, or a weird sentence?

She has a pull towards the weak pull towards the water and earth elements, She has a pull towards the weak?

but the excitement of taking that one step closer to being a Hero helped even out having to say goodbye to her parents for now. Helped even out?

And your typos\mistakes.

Examples.
The wooden wheels of the wagon creating Creaking?

Tessas had to leave home to attend, Tessa?

Even resolving herself to never anyone, no matter what. To never anyone?

Please protect my Papa, Aeon., prayed Tessa.

Another problem, your tenses shift all the time.

Aerin groaned, his head resting against the spear he kept between his shoulder and neck. He leaned
Aerin stretches his arms as another chilly breeze hits him in the face. Going over to a wooden box off to the side, he pulls

Aerin wiped a tear or two from
Unsure of if he’s seeing things or not, he gently shakes These two parts about Aerin are a part of the same paragraph!

Tenses kept bothering me all the time. As I said, I'm not a native English speaker, and I don't remember if it's okay to do so or if you break some grammar rules. But it doesn't matter as I'm a reader, and I'm a silent reader. I know what I like and what I find more pleasant and easy to read.
And I don't like it when the tenses keep shifting.

Before ending my feedback, I will mention that you should remove the comedy genre if the rest of your story is the same as what was in the beginning. There was not a single funny moment or a joke.

Despite what I've said, it was easier to read than most of the novels in this thread. If not for the mistakes I mentioned, I would've probably read much more before giving the feedback. But in the current state, and considering it's not my cup of tea, I won't force myself. As usual, I didn't rate your story. But if I had to, 3.25-3.5 stars.

 

[Sairren]

Good day to you. Before I start with the feedback, I would mention that English is my second language. I stopped reading after finishing Chapter 3. Unmet Requisites

I will start with the plot, characters, and so on as I can't say much. Even though there wasn't anything I disliked(apart from one thing), I can't say I liked anything. It's because your story is not my cup of tea.

The one thing that I didn't like was the worldbuilding. When I was reading, I had a feeling that I should already know everything about the world. You omitted details and explanations, yet you used your own pantheon, calendar, and so on. I don't like this.

An example of what I mean. When you introduce Sylvie, you proceed to casually say she has elven ears at the end of the chapter. Is she a human who has long ears? No, she is an elf, and I learn about this at the end of the following chapter.

Imagine I am a silent reader that doesn't leave any comments. I have my own likes and dislikes. I don't care what reasons you have for not doing it, but I want an introduction to the race. I want to understand if your elves are different or the same as elves from other stories. How are they integrated into the world of your stories? The elven race is just an example to explain what I mean.

I will now talk about the technical aspect of your writing.

I will end up speaking about worldbuilding here. Some of your paragraphs are a bit of an info dump. I would've preferred it if you described a different thing.

I saw a comment under one of your chapters saying your paragraphs were too long. That user also said you should split your paragraphs into smaller ones. And I disagree with that but only somewhat disagree. I didn't find most of your paragraphs too long or hard to read, but some of them would indeed look better if you split them. But it's not the main problem from my perspective.

The problem is that you write weird phrases; you have typos and mistakes that can ruin the whole paragraph. A good example of what I mean will be from chapter 2. Running Blind – Part 2.

Eventually finding her own seat, Tessa sometimes forgot just how many students there were, as graduates quickly filled the room to the brim. I don't understand what this means. The part about the seat doesn't have any connection to the following part of the sentence. And this sentence is a part of a lengthy paragraph.

Your writing is good, but stumbling upon such a phrase when I read ruins the immersion and my tempo. And I reread the whole paragraph thinking that maybe I missed something? As I said, the sentence I mentioned above is an example. It doesn't mean that this is the only thing I found.

And now to the weird phrases in your story.

Examples.
a chill ran up his spine from the cold stone touched his bottom. Is this a typo, a mistake, or a weird sentence?

She has a pull towards the weak pull towards the water and earth elements, She has a pull towards the weak?

but the excitement of taking that one step closer to being a Hero helped even out having to say goodbye to her parents for now. Helped even out?

And your typos\mistakes.

Examples.
The wooden wheels of the wagon creating Creaking?

Tessas had to leave home to attend, Tessa?

Even resolving herself to never anyone, no matter what. To never anyone?

Please protect my Papa, Aeon., prayed Tessa.

Another problem, your tenses shift all the time.

Aerin groaned, his head resting against the spear he kept between his shoulder and neck. He leaned
Aerin stretches his arms as another chilly breeze hits him in the face. Going over to a wooden box off to the side, he pulls

Aerin wiped a tear or two from
Unsure of if he’s seeing things or not, he gently shakes These two parts about Aerin are a part of the same paragraph!

Tenses kept bothering me all the time. As I said, I'm not a native English speaker, and I don't remember if it's okay to do so or if you break some grammar rules. But it doesn't matter as I'm a reader, and I'm a silent reader. I know what I like and what I find more pleasant and easy to read.
And I don't like it when the tenses keep shifting.

Before ending my feedback, I will mention that you should remove the comedy genre if the rest of your story is the same as what was in the beginning. There was not a single funny moment or a joke.

Despite what I've said, it was easier to read than most of the novels in this thread. If not for the mistakes I mentioned, I would've probably read much more before giving the feedback. But in the current state, and considering it's not my cup of tea, I won't force myself. As usual, I didn't rate your story. But if I had to, 3.25-3.5 stars.

The feedback is appreciated. As for the typos happening, I expected them but they likely fell through the cracks when I was editing to fix a lot of other issues. Also, chapters 1 through 6 were edited much earlier than 7 through 17. 1 through 6 were done... around or just before winter of last year. While 7 through 17 were edited this last June. I'll be taking a look at the earlier chapters after I'm done recovering from a bit of burn out.

As for the comedy tag, I'm uncertain about removing it. Your argument for doing so is fair, but I think it still fits. There aren't many jokes or scenes that would make someone laugh out loud (at least if I'm remembering correctly), but it plays around with expectations and aims to "joke" about tropes and what a reader may expect to be what happens next. Perhaps a "tragicomedy" would be a better descriptor?

I'm more than happy to discuss this further via PMs if you'd like, but I'm uncertain about keeping or removing the comedy tag.

 

[SailusGebel]

The feedback is appreciated. As for the typos happening, I expected them but they likely fell through the cracks when I was editing to fix a lot of other issues. Also, chapters 1 through 6 were edited much earlier than 7 through 17. 1 through 6 were done... around or just before winter of last year. While 7 through 17 were edited this last June. I'll be taking a look at the earlier chapters after I'm done recovering from a bit of burn out.

As for the comedy tag, I'm uncertain about removing it. Your argument for doing so is fair, but I think it still fits. There aren't many jokes or scenes that would make someone laugh out loud (at least if I'm remembering correctly), but it plays around with expectations and aims to "joke" about tropes and what a reader may expect to be what happens next. Perhaps a "tragicomedy" would be a better descriptor?

I'm more than happy to discuss this further via PMs if you'd like, but I'm uncertain about keeping or removing the comedy tag.

It's a problem of people having different definitions of a genre(or a tag). I don't speak for everyone, only for myself, but I think most readers think of Wikipedia's definition of a comedy.

Comedy is a genre of fiction that consists of discourses or works intended to be humorous or amusing by inducing laughter, especially in theatre, film, stand-up comedy, television, radio, books, or any other entertainment medium.

This means they will laugh, or at least they might chuckle\smile when they read a story.

I haven't noticed a single joke, a funny scene, anything. The only thing that I can mention is the banter between the dwarf and Sylvie, but it's a big stretch to call it funny. If it was your intention to make that scene funny, I can acknowledge it and understand, but the thing is, it didn't make me smile.

I'm talking to you as a reader. When I decide to read something, I obviously look at genres\tags to make a small guess of what to expect and whether I will like the story.
Let's say I was looking for a comedy to read. Your story only has four genres. It means I, who think of comedy as something funny, will probably think that comedy plays a huge role in your story. But after reading the first few chapters, the comedy is nowhere to be seen. It means that you basically deceived me, and I wasted my time. I'm not a goody-two-shoes who will wave this off. I will retaliate by writing a review or simply rating your novel with a low rating.

And there is already a precedent. A reviewer pointed out that there is no comedy, and I believe it did affect the scoring.

I didn't finish all the available chapters. Perhaps, later on, it will turn into peak comedy, so the decision to keep or remove the genre is yours to make. Or your understanding of the genre comedy fits, so you keep it. It doesn't matter that much to me. I definitely should've elaborated more, but I just wanted to save you from the repercussions.

 

[SailusGebel]

Sorry Sir.

Cliche Story of a Mob Villain

Good day to you. Before I start with the feedback, I would mention that English is my second language. I stopped reading after finishing Chapter 1: The Promise I will regret Forgetting.

Even though I've only read one chapter, it's enough for me to say something about your MC and his sister.
“I am 8, where did my marriage came from?
I had no idea why a banquet was being held, I was turning nine not fifteen.
They don't act their age at all. I don't care what kind of logic or explanation you use in your reply here. In the text, you try to show them as kids.

And then, you write this.
Socializing with ignorant noble bastards, tight-fitting clothes not suitable for movement at all, and worst of all food without salt.

I am afraid that someday I might lose them.

I don’t know but every time I am in a situation such as this I get scared. I get scared because this is too good to be true.

These lines are examples of how one thing doesn't connect to another. At times, the way MC and his sister behave makes them look like children. Albeit a bit forcefully and not as smooth, you kinda manage to show it, but then you write how MC, for example, ponders over psychological dilemmas. I don't care if he is a son of a duchess or not. The way you describe him and the way he acts don't connect. His sister is the same.

A subjective minus is the title of your story. "Cliche Story of a Mob Villain."

How the hell is the son of a duke is a mob? Yeah-yeah, evil young masters, tropes, and so on. I know this shit. But even if we talk about tropes, young masters are villains and a stepping stone. Mobs are the guys and girls who serve the young masters and don't even have personal names. In my understanding, a mob is a background character, not a son of a duke.

About your writing. I don't want to be rude here or beat the dead horse. I saw your statement where you mention that your writing skills(style) need improvement.

English is my second language, and I am not a good author. I certainly can show you examples of mistakes I found, or things I thought of as a mistake. However, I won't be able to properly guide you. So I will ask you a question. Do you want me to show you examples of bad writing and mistakes, or do you already know it from other reviews\rereading?

And lastly rating. The quality of your writing is bad, and I haven't seen any upside that can balance it and force me to rate your story higher. As usual, I didn't rate your story. But if I had to, 1.5-1.75 stars.

 

[TheEldritchGod]

Ah what the hell:
Feedback on my short story Horror/Comedy

MEMOS (One Shot)

So they are having a contest. Write a story about time in three days. Well. I finished in 3 hours.

www.scribblehub.com

Interested in how funny it is to someone with english as a second language.

 

[SailusGebel]

Ah what the hell:
Feedback on my short story Horror/Comedy

MEMOS (One Shot)

So they are having a contest. Write a story about time in three days. Well. I finished in 3 hours.

www.scribblehub.com

Interested in how funny it is to someone with english as a second language.

This made me chuckle.
"... these eldritch grains filled me with the most unspeakable dread. What secrets did they hold, within that Cyclopean container of stiff cardboard and well-designed packaging? Taking a deep breath, I steeled myself against the unknown, and opened the box..."
- HP Lovecraft, The Grain from Out of Space, 1923

This made me smile.
If anyone starts singing any song by Poodle Hat, remember: One in the heart, one in the head, to make sure, they stay dead. Since everyone's heart is down in the cooler, make sure to get the key from me.
Everything else was soul-crushingly boring.

I rate your story 1.5 stars. 1.45 stars for the grammar that I found okay\good and 0.05 stars for two jokes that were actually funny.

 

[SparklerMan]

Here you go, please send it in PM.
Chaos: Another World Betrayal

 

[WinterTimeCrime]

Hit me with it!

Space Patroller Miya (Original English Light Novel)

In a universe where some civilizations thrive and others struggle to survive, a hunger for power and dominance has long driven the Manskligs, or humans. But when their reckless pursuit of progress leads to their inevitable downfall, their xenogenic neighbors learn a valuable but misapprehended...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[SailusGebel]

Hit me with it!

Space Patroller Miya (Original English Light Novel)

In a universe where some civilizations thrive and others struggle to survive, a hunger for power and dominance has long driven the Manskligs, or humans. But when their reckless pursuit of progress leads to their inevitable downfall, their xenogenic neighbors learn a valuable but misapprehended...

www.scribblehub.com

Where would you like to receive the review\feedback, this thread, or PM?

 

[Lorelliad]

Talk dirty to me, Sailus. Do it.

Make Me A Story!

What is the point of living? We wake up, we eat, we work, we sleep, and then the whole process repeats. We seek material possessions and ways to take our attention away from the same repeating cycle we experience everyday. Having reached the pinnacle of all beings, Syalt wishes to...

www.scribblehub.com

Also feedback right here is fine.

 

[WinterTimeCrime]

Where would you like to receive the review\feedback, this thread, or PM?

This thread is fine.

 

[BenJepheneT]

The Home(less)sick Astronaut’s Best-of-Three - Oneshot | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

A short story. Nothing major. It is a slice-of-life though, but it's only 3k+ words. I'll take the flogging publicly.

 

[SailusGebel]

Hit me with it!

Space Patroller Miya (Original English Light Novel)

In a universe where some civilizations thrive and others struggle to survive, a hunger for power and dominance has long driven the Manskligs, or humans. But when their reckless pursuit of progress leads to their inevitable downfall, their xenogenic neighbors learn a valuable but misapprehended...

www.scribblehub.com

Good day to you. Before I start with the feedback, I would mention that English is my second language. I stopped reading after finishing Chapter Keeping the family tree.

First, I will start with the most subjective claim. If I see Japanese names, Japanese honorifics, and so on in a story written by someone who is not Japanese, I instantly reject it. I'm not an SJW and don't care about other things, but this makes me cringe extra hard. It's my personal preference, and there are many reasons behind it, but I won't delve into them too much.

Your grammar. I didn't notice any glaring mistakes or typos. Yet despite this, it was hard to read. The reason for that is a lack of descriptions and metaphors.

Example.
The soldier pushes the woman to the side and lifts his rifle, a black dot aimed at the man's face. The man locks eyes with his wife and mouths, 'I love you,' as his head explodes from his neck filling the floor and wood cabinets behind him with brains and bloody mush.

His body then falls onto the ground with a thump, his neck giving off a red ooze as the laser he once held is wrapped by his bodily fluids.
Besides writing the actions, there is nothing else.

There are no descriptions of emotions, no descriptions of actions with metaphors, and overall, the descriptions that are present in the story are barebones.

Because there are no details, I don't understand two things. Why didn't the husband kill his wife? Because you know, she will be continuously raped by aliens, a fate worse than death, no?

The other one, why didn't she do anything? Maybe I skipped it, but there was no explanation. And I'm not talking about why she didn't do anything after the syringe.

I can't say anything about the story. Although it's not my cup of tea, I would've read more if your writing were a bit better.

I don't like the way you write. Your choice of words, the way you word your sentences, and so on. Thus, I won't continue reading it as I can't concentrate on the story. And because of that, I can't tell you anything about the plot.

As usual, I didn't rate your story. But if I had to, 2.5-2.75 stars.

 

[WinterTimeCrime]

I like it! I like it! Thanks for taking out the time to read my story and provide digestive feedback. I'll take notes and try to go back and include some imagery for a better reading experience.

You were a great help!

 

[Zinless]

Can I ask for your feedback on my story?

Reincarnated Into Two Bodies

After falling to his death, he wakes up with two bodies?! Reincarnated as both a humble commoner boy and a privileged young noble girl, our protagonist enjoys their new chance in life with two different perspectives. Although they only wished for a peaceful life, the world had other plans in...

www.scribblehub.com

And please be as harsh as possible, especially on the early chapters. I want to re-write them because I know they're rough, but I just don't know where to start.

Feedback on the thread or PM is fine, thank you.

 

[SailusGebel]

Talk dirty to me, Sailus. Do it.

Make Me A Story!

What is the point of living? We wake up, we eat, we work, we sleep, and then the whole process repeats. We seek material possessions and ways to take our attention away from the same repeating cycle we experience everyday. Having reached the pinnacle of all beings, Syalt wishes to...

www.scribblehub.com

Also feedback right here is fine.

Good day to you. Before I start with the feedback, I would mention that English is my second language. I stopped reading after finishing Chapter 4 – But First, We Clean!

I will be honest, there is nothing I liked in terms of plot or characters, and there are a couple of reasons. Not that I disliked something, I felt mostly neutral. The reason for that is a couple of things.

First, I will start with the most subjective claim. If I see Japanese names, Japanese honorifics, and so on in a story written by someone who is not Japanese, I instantly reject it. I'm not an SJW and don't care about other things, but this makes me cringe extra hard. It's my personal preference, and there are many reasons behind it, but I won't delve into them too much.

Secondly, badly written cliffhangers or, to be more precise, badly split chapters. Yes, this is SOL, so I shouldn't expect cliffhangers. It's your practice piece, I understand.

However, you asked for my opinion, and I will give it. The ending of Chapter 2 – Aurora doesn't feel like an ending at all. It's like you split a chapter randomly. Chapter 3 – Akuzu, Syalt's ending is a bit better, but it is still not enough.

And thirdly, I felt like your story resembles Japanese manga way too much. Someone can consider this as an upside, but, personally, I don't like it.
To elaborate on this, it's generic in the worst way possible. The plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, everything seemed like a generic SOL manga. They are produced in huge numbers each year, and they are all the same. And after checking out one of them, I basically know all of them.

I might misunderstand something, or you can think I'm being petty, but here's an example of what I mean.

But still, this confirmed his thoughts. He was reincarnated in Japan, one of Earth's most influential countries.

One of Earth's most influential countries. How should I say this? This sounds like a first warning that your novel will have the typical self-praise which is present in every Japanese work. Katanas are the best, rice is necessary for survival, baths are the best things ever, onsens, and so on.
However, considering the first thing I mentioned and combining it with the third one, it multiplies my dislike.

As for your writing. It was relatively easy to read, and the descriptions and metaphors were present. I didn't notice typos or mistakes. Nevertheless, there is a problem with your writing.

Weird phrases\metaphors. I'm not a native English speaker, and I can be wrong here. But it doesn't matter whether your grammar is correct or not if the phrase itself is weird and no one uses it.

Examples.
he was the strongest man known to ever live. Weird. I will rephrase it to what I think sounds better. He was known as the strongest man to ever live.

But seriously, would it kill the gods to consider decreasing the intensity of the storm? My sweat's going to stick to my undershirt.' What?

His Mana Core was thousands larger than the average human Thousands larger?

Her claws were each the size of a ballista bolt, and were each as sharp as Syalt's sword! Again, weirdly phrased, AND a repetition.

I–I'm very sorry. Though seeing the man who was known to be unkillable willingly off himself like that… Willingly off himself???

But still, he struggled to just about bring his right eye half-open. Just about? What?

There are logical mistakes.

Example.
Next, he went over to the kitchen and used a bit of water magic to clean the dishes!

"This is supposedly what people use to eat their food out of. But why are there so many? I'm pretty sure only I live here." So, apparently, a great inventor doesn't know what the hell is a dish?

Even if you somehow explain that it's okay if he doesn't know what this is in your reply here it's only one part of a problem.

The only thing left to do was to bring the trash bags out to the front and have them lined up and ready for the garbage truck which would come soon, according to his calendar.
A reincarnated individual doesn't know what the hell is a dish, but knows that a garbage truck will come according to his calendar? Excuse me?

And lastly, dialogues. Some of the dialogue lines don't look like human speech.

Example.
The dishes, they're clean! I can see some were broken from the shards of porcelain scattered on the floor, but they're clean and put away nicely! No one talks like that. It looks like you were lazy to rephrase it properly and simply copied a narrator's line and put it into a dialogue.

As I said before, your novel was easier to read than most novels I've seen and reviewed in this thread. But the problems with your writing and my personal dislike when it comes to plot and Japanese setting when written by a non-Japanese are hindering me from reading more.

As usual, I didn't rate your story. But if I had to, 3-3.25 stars. Maybe even 3.5 stars.