Alright, I'm here to join the Masochists' Club. Here you go:
“Alright, enough,” Red barks. “Listen pup, we can’t afford to waste time on your existential crisis. Jack just told you we’re being tracked, and it’s only a matter of time before something else is sent after us. If you really want to test your existence, then go...
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Thanks for offering feedback and you are welcome to post that here! But I may have to quote you in my story description if I get any positive remarks out of you :)
I appreciate the feedback offer and I value your opinion! Hopefully, you'll find something worth reading in there!
Good day to you. Sorry for taking so long to give you feedback. Lately, there has been a lot of work, and I didn't have enough time for this thread. Before I start with the feedback, I would mention that English is my second language. I stopped reading after finishing Chapter 1.3 There Was a Fire Fight (Semi-Final Draft).
I dislike the way you write. It's very clunky. Before I start mentioning vague staff, I will talk about things I can point out. The first is weird phrases. Here are examples.
Having removed her hood, she pulls
her brunette braid over her shoulder, I don't like how this sounds, it sounds weird to me.
The floor’s a mess, and it
smells like death.” Smells like death doesn't sound quite right.
He finally manages to latch the door after
fighting a near avalanche for several minutes. Near avalanche sounds weird.
An important thing to note, when I say weird, I don't mean that you are wrong. I'm saying that I, as a reader, haven't seen the phrase you used before, and it doesn't sound right. It breaks the immersion, and so on.
Here are examples of small mistakes.
A thump collides with the window causing Jack
to back pedals away, axe at the ready. The wrong tense, I think.
to
pull more and more handkerchief out of a pocket. More and more yet single handkerchief? Not plural?
Jack and Red stack next to the front door as Jack shoves plugs into his ears. Stack? What?
I've noticed a phrase that sounds good, yet in my opinion, it is out of character.
It’s almost like having a banana that hasn’t been yellow for a few days. Does Wolf know the taste of a banana?
Your paragraphing and dialogues are so-so, which results in the following sentence.
“You two have been playing me all this—wait, did someone say zombies?” I can't perceive this as a joke, nor can I perceive that wolf is slow-witted precisely because of how it was written. Right now, it looks as if the wolf wasn't in the room when Red and Jack talked.
Now I will talk about why your text is clanky.
Jack sweeps the butt of his axe handle around like a haymaker, collapsing a face and causing the transferred momentum to cause two other figures to fold around the first. In my opinion, this is a good example of a clunky and badly phrased sentence. Collapsing a face? Whose face? 'Causing the momentum' sounds weird, and 'figures to fold' doesn't suit the scene. 'Around the first' what? First body? First one? First zombie? First face?
You might think I'm nitpicking, but I'm not. You always write that someone did something; your text doesn't flow at all.
Wolf flinches at the sound of the shots and keeps ducking as more ring out. He drops to all fours and follows awkwardly as he maintains a grip on the stun-gun. He frantically looks about as more undead continue to converge on them from behind. Wolf growls and bares his fangs. He flinches, he drops, he maintains, he looks, he growls. You over-describe actions and movements.
As for the story, characters, world, and so on, I can't judge it in any way or form because I haven't read enough.
As usual, I didn't rate your story. But if I had to, 2 stars. Even though your chapters are around 1k words, I've spent way too much reading them. And I rate the readability higher than most things.