Corty's Feedback Corner (Kinda... Read the first post!) --- Closed until further notice.

[Zephilinox]

would love your thoughts

Acoustic in a Fantasy World [Autism LitRPG]

Meet Lara, just your average neurospicy Londoner until a solar flare zaps her into a wild fantasy world! Now she's surrounded by sand, strange creatures, and alien cultures. Oh, and there's a nifty System that's tagged her as an intriguing anomaly. Life as an autistic individual had its...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Corty]

would love your thoughts

Acoustic in a Fantasy World [Autism LitRPG]

Meet Lara, just your average neurospicy Londoner until a solar flare zaps her into a wild fantasy world! Now she's surrounded by sand, strange creatures, and alien cultures. Oh, and there's a nifty System that's tagged her as an intriguing anomaly. Life as an autistic individual had its...

www.scribblehub.com

• Cover

Well, it's... an image. I would redo it. At least add the title to it or something to tie it to the story, as right now, it is just an image of a woman and says not much more than that.

• Title

Hm. I have mixed feelings about it. I will be honest, I don't like it. It sounds like a joke, which is weird because there is no parody/comedy tag attached to it. Quite the opposite, in fact.

• Synopsis

It is okay-ish. I am an old-fashioned guy, so I get that the current times come with different styles, so I won't fault the way it is written. Found no real issues with it.

• Tags

It's all good.

• Chapter Titles

Yep, all fine.

Final thoughts:

• Nothing looked interesting. (It needs work. Not bad, not good)
  • I would do something about the title + the cover. They don't sit right, IMO.

 

[Shrimp_eater]

Some feedback would be appreciated, especially the synopsis as i still struggle on how to present the story concisely in a way that sounds interesting enough.

On the signature.

 

[ElliePorter]

Nice.

 

[Corty]

Some feedback would be appreciated, especially the synopsis as i still struggle on how to present the story concisely in a way that sounds interesting enough.

On the signature.

• Cover

The cover is nice, but it would do well with a title or something so it's not just an image.

• Title

It's nice, and it gives a taste of the underlying tone of the story, which I like.

• Synopsis

Good. It tells us about the world, the MC, and what to expect. It's to the point, concise, yet not too short. It gives us enough questions to want to know more and see what happens.

• Tags

It's all good.

• Chapter Titles

Mixed feelings. I get that there are "half" chapters, but it feels weird looking at it. I get that they are shorter, extra things; I did it, too, but not this many times. Oh well, it is not a problem. Don't get me wrong, it's just weird looking at it, that is a me problem so all good here.

Final thoughts:

• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention. (Good.)
  • I would only work on the cover a little.

I always suggest for people this site; it is free to use and easy to make a cover with:

Design Book Covers Online for Free | Adobe Express

The Adobe Express free online book cover creator helps you easily create your own custom book covers that attract readers. All creative skill levels are welcome.

www.adobe.com

or

https://www.canva.com/create/book-covers/

I used the first one for most of my covers that were not commissioned.

 

[Shrimp_eater]

• Cover

The cover is nice, but it would do well with a title or something so it's not just an image.

• Title

It's nice, and it gives a taste of the underlying tone of the story, which I like.

• Synopsis

Good. It tells us about the world, the MC, and what to expect. It's to the point, concise, yet not too short. It gives us enough questions to want to know more and see what happens.

• Tags

It's all good.

• Chapter Titles

Mixed feelings. I get that there are "half" chapters, but it feels weird looking at it. I get that they are shorter, extra things; I did it, too, but not this many times. Oh well, it is not a problem. Don't get me wrong, it's just weird looking at it, that is a me problem so all good here.

Final thoughts:

• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention. (Good.)
  • I would only work on the cover a little.

I always suggest for people this site; it is free to use and easy to make a cover with:

Design Book Covers Online for Free | Adobe Express

The Adobe Express free online book cover creator helps you easily create your own custom book covers that attract readers. All creative skill levels are welcome.

www.adobe.com

or

https://www.canva.com/create/book-covers/

I used the first one for most of my covers that were not commissioned.

Thanks for the feedback.

Yep, was thinking i should work on the cover a bit, will probably still use the same image for now and just add a stylized title later.

The extra chapters, well, i suppose it can look weird, but that kind became part of my writing style by now so its not really going away. I wonder if characterizing them by specific names or terms would make them look better, like in one of your books where you called those "codex chapters". I was keeping them at [Ch №].5 since i didn't want the titles to get overly verbose.

 

[RiaCorvidiva]

Thanks for the feedback.

Yep, was thinking i should work on the cover a bit, will probably still use the same image for now and just add a stylized title later.

I hope you do not mind if I chime in with a couple of things about your synopsis.

First, the second sentence is written in an awkward passive voice. Who were the ones who adapted and rebuilt this society out of the ashes? This unknown entity is the one who rose from the ashes to rebuild the society, but the sentence construction goes out of its way to avoid telling us anything. One possible reconstruction that reads a lot clearer would be:

"But humanity adapted and rose from the ashes to rebuild their society. This new social order was a flawed and unbalanced one, centering around an ancient coven of witches, women who wield terrifying and otherworldly magic."

And, two paragraphs later, the word you're looking for is 'boonies', not 'bonnies'. Always very important to have as close to perfect spelling and grammar as possible in the synopsis. Someone might see a careless mistake like that and reason that the rest of the work is similarly littered with errors.

 

[Shrimp_eater]

I hope you do not mind if I chime in with a couple of things about your synopsis.

Its fine.

And, two paragraphs later, the word you're looking for is 'boonies', not 'bonnies'. Always very important to have as close to perfect spelling and grammar as possible in the synopsis. Someone might see a careless mistake like that and reason that the rest of the work is similarly littered with errors.

Oops, a typo, fixed. Bonnies sounded like she came from some brothel

First, the second sentence is written in an awkward passive voice. Who were the ones who adapted and rebuilt this society out of the ashes? This unknown entity is the one who rose from the ashes to rebuild the society, but the sentence construction goes out of its way to avoid telling us anything. One possible reconstruction that reads a lot clearer would be:

"But humanity adapted and rose from the ashes to rebuild their society. This new social order was a flawed and unbalanced one, centering around an ancient coven of witches, women who wield terrifying and otherworldly magic."

About that... truth is i'm being vague on purpose here. One world building element i pay attention to is make sure i only let the reader onto information the MC or other key characters know about, or at least whats considered general common sense within the setting. Perhaps some subtle pieces of info here or there depending on their relevance to the narrative at specific moments.

The origin of their current society, and its current organization on a global scale, is one of such vague elements as this world is still at a fairly fragmented and non-connected stage. Witches will usually take some emphatic role most places due to, well, having superpowers.

The general population may have vague ideas of where they came from and what happened centuries past but aren't really prone on details. A few historians or more worldy characters may know more about such things, but by the rules i've set that should be left for a time when MC actively gets involved with them, learns new information herself or they become more relevant to the plot.

 

[Zephilinox]

• Cover

Well, it's... an image. I would redo it. At least add the title to it or something to tie it to the story, as right now, it is just an image of a woman and says not much more than that.

• Title

Hm. I have mixed feelings about it. I will be honest, I don't like it. It sounds like a joke, which is weird because there is no parody/comedy tag attached to it. Quite the opposite, in fact.

• Synopsis

It is okay-ish. I am an old-fashioned guy, so I get that the current times come with different styles, so I won't fault the way it is written. Found no real issues with it.

• Tags

It's all good.

• Chapter Titles

Yep, all fine.

Final thoughts:

• Nothing looked interesting. (It needs work. Not bad, not good)
  • I would do something about the title + the cover. They don't sit right, IMO.

Thanks

 

[Cosmictapestry]

You didn't read my first post, I assume

• Cover

It's nice and fitting, but I do have one issue with it. The title's color scheme. It blends into the background and makes it hard to read. It either needs a stronger outline or a brighter font color to make it more easily readable at first glance.

• Title

Good, and I do prefer short, concise titles.

• Synopsis

It is fine, but I think it needs work or a rewrite, as it reads a bit off. Here is my example:

• Tags

It is filled out and nicely done; it is important to have them in place as it makes it easier for lists and searches.

• Chapter Titles

All good.

Final thoughts:

• Nothing looked interesting. (It needs work. Not bad, not good.
  • The synopsis and maybe the cover (that is subjective) need a bit of work, and then it will jump up a tier.

• Cover

It's nice; maybe the title would do well with an outline to make it easier to read. (The curse part blends in with its background)

• Title

Clever. I really like the wordplay you did with it. Nice. My brain first read it "of course" multiple times before it registered. Maybe it is not a wordplay, just me being stupid. Anyway, I really dig it.

• Synopsis

I would leave out the following part:



Because in the second part you mention uncovering past secrets. Then we don't need to know she has been reincarnated or something. Let it be a surprise. The rest are fine, nice, and interestingly unique.

• Tags

I would be happy to see more, as a kind of "what to expect" in the story's future.

• Chapter Titles

All good.

Final thoughts:

• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention. (Good.)

Thank you for your kind words Corty, it was meant to be a wordplay as you have noticed. “Maid, of course” or “Made of curse” were also the intent.

 

[P.R.S]

TheEnd: the final planet

In a dying universe a planet stands alone In The End heroes are born and forged, in The End heroes perish and suffer on his hands In the darkness the fires of hope will set us free This is the story of how three friends fought aggainst the evil in...

www.scribblehub.com

Any criticism and feedback is good

 

[Corty]

TheEnd: the final planet

In a dying universe a planet stands alone In The End heroes are born and forged, in The End heroes perish and suffer on his hands In the darkness the fires of hope will set us free This is the story of how three friends fought aggainst the evil in...

www.scribblehub.com

Any criticism and feedback is good

• Cover

I like the cover and how it is designed. It's nice.

• Title

It's an interesting title. I may capitalize the fonts, but that could just be my preference.

• Synopsis

It says nothing that would catch my interest. It does make me curious about it a little, but it tells me literally nothing to truly grab my interest and also spoils (?) the ending (?). Dunno; it feels weird. I would redo the whole synopsis.

• Tags

It's all good.

• Chapter Titles

I would organize it and number it better so people coming in can just look at it and see how many chapters they can binge-read. Don't forget that many readers only pick up a book if there are dozens of chapters they can chew through.

Final thoughts:

• Nothing looked interesting. (It needs work. Not bad, not good)
  • Need a synopsis rework, in my opinion + chapter numbers

 

[P.R.S]

• Cover

I like the cover and how it is designed. It's nice.

• Title

It's an interesting title. I may capitalize the fonts, but that could just be my preference.

• Synopsis

It says nothing that would catch my interest. It does make me curious about it a little, but it tells me literally nothing to truly grab my interest and also spoils (?) the ending (?). Dunno; it feels weird. I would redo the whole synopsis.

• Tags

It's all good.

• Chapter Titles

I would organize it and number it better so people coming in can just look at it and see how many chapters they can binge-read. Don't forget that many readers only pick up a book if there are dozens of chapters they can chew through.

Final thoughts:

• Nothing looked interesting. (It needs work. Not bad, not good)
  • Need a synopsis rework, in my opinion + chapter numbers

Thank you for the honest reviews, means a lot

 

[Sylver]

Hi! I know my cover art needs work, but I'd like to read your thoughts on my story as well! Based on your conditions that is

Monster Girl Chronicles Book 1: KuliKuli the Nekomata

In this Medieval World of Fantasy, full of smut, romance, and mystery, welcome to a tale of Magic and Monsters! When a lonely farmer takes in an unconscious stray cat he discovered in the aftermath of a storm, he gets more than he bargained for when his new feline friend...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Luckyplus]

To the unknown - Chapter 1: The beginning | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Chaperone]

Hey @Corty I would love some advice on my cover and blurb etc.
Thank you for time.
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/783282/the-unusual-shepherd--progression-fantasymonster-tamer/

 

[Corty]

Hi! I know my cover art needs work, but I'd like to read your thoughts on my story as well! Based on your conditions that is

Monster Girl Chronicles Book 1: KuliKuli the Nekomata

In this Medieval World of Fantasy, full of smut, romance, and mystery, welcome to a tale of Magic and Monsters! When a lonely farmer takes in an unconscious stray cat he discovered in the aftermath of a storm, he gets more than he bargained for when his new feline friend...

www.scribblehub.com

• Cover

I think it needs a rework. It is smushed and distorted. People will not mind much, but after a certain time, it may be a hindrance and deter people from giving your story a try.

• Title

It is good, but I don't know if the Book 1 detail is necessary. But that's just me, the rest is telling enough what to expect!

• Synopsis

It is long enough to give us the premise, the main characters, and the setting. Also, it foreshadows that there is more to it than just a smut monster girl novel, so I think it is fine. Would I add anything? Hmm... I thought about it, but I think not. It's good.

• Tags

It's all good.

• Chapter Titles

Nice and tidy.

Final thoughts:

• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention.
  • The cover needs a fixup.

To the unknown - Chapter 1: The beginning | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

• Cover

The cover is nice, but it should be properly cut and resized to get rid of the white line at the top.

• Title

It is good, but having an all-caps title is obnoxious. Easily deters people from reading it.

• Synopsis

Too short. It tells very little; it says nothing more than Sun Tzu quote. I would skip it instantly because it feels pretentious instead of reader-welcoming. We need more background info first, or it just feels like the MC is an edgy kid.

• Tags

It's okay, but more tags would lead to more discoverability.

• Chapter Titles

Inconsistent. Chapter 1 has sub-title, Chapter 2 doesn't.

Final thoughts:

• Just redo it... (This won't bring in readers. This is bad.)
  • Every point except the tags needs work.

Hey @Corty I would love some advice on my cover and blurb etc.
Thank you for time.
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/783282/the-unusual-shepherd--progression-fantasymonster-tamer/

• Cover

Really nice. I really dig it. Trippy. The font is a bit hard to read at first, but other than that, it's all good. And the font is not really a problem.

• Title

Nice and interesting.

• Synopsis

I like it, but I feel like there are pacing issues with it. I can't really explain why, but the sentences felt too short and monotone while reading it. Maybe I am used to longer sentences, or that's just me. Here is a quick rewrite of what made me feel reading the synopsis to flow better; maybe it will give you an idea of what I mean.

Seth is transported into a world of Chaos and Order. He was blessed with the Blood Mage and Shepherd classes on his first day, and he's soon swept into a prophecy to lead the Satyrs to new pastures. Still, the path is long and treacherous, and Seth must protect them from beasts, daemons, and, worst of all, his fellow man. Slavers wish only to take his tribe and profit from their suffering. With his flock of tamed monsters to help him and the blessings of a Goddess, he might just make it.

• Tags

All good.

• Chapter Titles

It's okay, no issues.

Final thoughts:

• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention. (Good.)
  • Maybe a synopsis needs a little fixup? But that could be just my preference.

---------------

Sorry for the late reply; I am very busy and totally missed looking at my thread.

For now, I will not do it anymore as I just don't have the time. Until further notice, I am not accepting any more submissions.

 

[LuoirM]

Plap plap

 

[Sylver]

Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention.

The cover art was uploaded through my phone it looks good there but it looks awful on computer. I'm working on a new cover art, thank you for your feedback!

 

[Chaperone]

• Cover

I think it needs a rework. It is smushed and distorted. People will not mind much, but after a certain time, it may be a hindrance and deter people from giving your story a try.

• Title

It is good, but I don't know if the Book 1 detail is necessary. But that's just me, the rest is telling enough what to expect!

• Synopsis

It is long enough to give us the premise, the main characters, and the setting. Also, it foreshadows that there is more to it than just a smut monster girl novel, so I think it is fine. Would I add anything? Hmm... I thought about it, but I think not. It's good.

• Tags

It's all good.

• Chapter Titles

Nice and tidy.

Final thoughts:

• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention.
  • The cover needs a fixup.

• Cover

The cover is nice, but it should be properly cut and resized to get rid of the white line at the top.

• Title

It is good, but having an all-caps title is obnoxious. Easily deters people from reading it.

• Synopsis

Too short. It tells very little; it says nothing more than Sun Tzu quote. I would skip it instantly because it feels pretentious instead of reader-welcoming. We need more background info first, or it just feels like the MC is an edgy kid.

• Tags

It's okay, but more tags would lead to more discoverability.

• Chapter Titles

Inconsistent. Chapter 1 has sub-title, Chapter 2 doesn't.

Final thoughts:

• Just redo it... (This won't bring in readers. This is bad.)
  • Every point except the tags needs work.

• Cover

Really nice. I really dig it. Trippy. The font is a bit hard to read at first, but other than that, it's all good. And the font is not really a problem.

• Title

Nice and interesting.

• Synopsis

I like it, but I feel like there are pacing issues with it. I can't really explain why, but the sentences felt too short and monotone while reading it. Maybe I am used to longer sentences, or that's just me. Here is a quick rewrite of what made me feel reading the synopsis to flow better; maybe it will give you an idea of what I mean.

• Tags

All good.

• Chapter Titles

It's okay, no issues.

Final thoughts:

• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention. (Good.)
  • Maybe a synopsis needs a little fixup? But that could be just my preference.

---------------

Sorry for the late reply; I am very busy and totally missed looking at my thread.

For now, I will not do it anymore as I just don't have the time. Until further notice, I am not accepting any more submissions.

Thanks for the help, I see exactly what you mean after reading your rework of the blurb. You're a hero!