AliceShiki
Magical Girl of Love and Justice
- Joined
- Dec 23, 2018
- Messages
- 3,530
- Points
- 183
Ouch, that's quite the messy situation! >.<Ok, I can comprehend the why. Break-ups are almost everytime very hurtful and I can see how you would want to try to avoid it especially if you were always on the receiving end of break-ups. Respect at how far you are willing to go to salvage your relationship even if I find the reason behind it not very healthy.
Im gonna share that drama that I experienced as an example for why I dont find it healthy. Not that every situation is the same. I also love to gossip.
Guy 1 and Girl 1 in a relationship for 2 years or something. I guess you could call it a open relationship? Well Guy 1 liked to have sex with anyone who was interested in him and was attractive in his eyes. Girl 1 was ok with it since it was just sex and she was head over heels for him so no harm done. Well one day he had sex with the best friend of Girl 1, lets call her Girl 2. Girl 2 was also in a relationship with Guy 2.
Girl 2 and Guy 2 were not in a open relationship so you could consider the encounter cheating on her part. The thing is that Girl 2 had a crush on Guy 1 for many years. So Girl 2 and Guy 1 came up with the idea to lead a 4 man relationship and somehow convinced Guy 2 because he found Girl 1 physically attractive and was all for the idea to have sex with his girlfriend and her. But Girl 1 was more or less pressured into the situation because she couldnt say no to him, loved him and wanted to stay with him and also because for the other 3 it was already a foregone conclusion.
Now they were in this weird 4 people relationship. But Guy 2 never got to have sex with Girl 1 because she didnt want to. No attraction and so on. Well now Guy 1 and Girl 2 had a great time but Guy 2 saw after some time no benefit in this whole thing and wanted to break up this 4ppl relationship. But Girl 2 didnt want to break it apart. Guy 2 then broke up with her and she wasnt that angry about it because she had already a crush on Guy 1 for so long. She got what she wanted.
Now it was a 3 people relationship between Guy 1 and Girl 1&2. That went on for sometime but Guy 1 started to put Girl 1 in second place. In everything that mattered to her, she was always second. She tried to cope with it for some time but she got hurt again and again. At some point she communicated her feelings about the whole situation and wanted to sort it out somehow but got told to simply live with it. Her best friend wasnt also too inclined to change the situation because she was quite happy about being put first.
At some point Girl 1 broke up with 'them'. She got really hurt by that. Not only she lost the love of her life at that point but also her best friend.
After the whole mess she lived with us for about a month and was a crying mess for the first week. Before we were privy to the inner workings of their relationship everything looked fine but one shouldnt judge a book by its cover I guess.
To summarize: In a poly-relationship everyone should be on the same page from the beginning and treated equally otherwise there waits only pain at the end.
Fun fact: Guy 1 cheated on Girl 2 after a few months. At that point it wasnt a open relationship and Girl 2 was only ok with her best friend being with them before. The first time she forgave him but not the second time so they broke up. Welp everyone was alone after that and some 'best' friends were lost.
That's why I said I'd need to talk to my partner about it though! Like... I'd say I didn't really want it and would never be with anyone else other than them in a more intimate relationship. And I'd also ask my partner to tell anyone that they get closer to about our situation, like... They'd need to know that they'd be sleeping/dating someone that was already "taken" and would need to make a conscious decision based on that.
And I'd also like my partner to tell me if they were thinking about getting more serious with someone else and stuff... I'd really need some open and clear communication about the whole matter.
Open relationships and polygamy are really complicated and everyone absolutely needs to be on the same page for it to work out IMO... And well, I still don't know if I'd be able to cope with it, but between losing the love of my life and trying it out, I'd at least try.