KersenBloemNL
Active member
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2022
- Messages
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- 33
I’m kinda curious now, thank you in advance
RATING: Back to basics.I’m kinda curious now, thank you in advance
Read Chapter 1 just named Hurricane. RATING: Would keep ReadingHello love, if you have the time and desire, would you consider checking out my story? I will warn you that it has heavy themes of depression, anxiety, self harm and trauma. It is not explicit, but due to the nature of the heavy themes, it can be disturbing to some readers. If you're interested, here's the link. Hope you're having a good day and thank you for the work you do.
The Miserably Macabre Tales of Luna Samuels
'My name is Faith Elizabeth Samuels. Well, it used to be, before I left my fundamentalist helicopter parents and started going by Luna... My counselor tells me writing will help me to 'heal'. Somehow, writing my feelings of depression, anxiety, self harm and suicidal thoughts will negate a...www.scribblehub.com
RATING: Would Keep ReadingTake a look at mine, please:
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/879300/sanctuary-compromised-a-zombie-apocalypse-tale/
Hi there, I read through some of your reviews on the other novels posted here. They are well put together and give authors much-needed advice on their works.
I would appreciate it if you also evaluate my novel and help me improve. Thanks in advance!
Age of the New Frontier [Progression Fantasy]
The New Frontier, A supposed land mass beyond the existing world with the potential to completely alter the societal norms of Pangea - the current regimes. Four individuals with intertwined fates set out to explore this land. Each carries their reason for embarking on the audacious expedition...www.scribblehub.com
Here's an action fantasy story - Kinshura - Scribblehub. Its about a unique race of isolated people beginning to interact with the world around them. It's not a LitRPG and also not a self-insert kind of story. There's a heavy focus on combat and adventure with worldbuilding mixed in thereas well. I'd appreciate any form of feedback.Hear ye, hear ye. The old thread is dead, long live this thread.
After two years+, I am unable to edit the very first post and update my "Best of List" shoutout, so I have created a new thread.
The Rules are the same. Submit a link to your first chapter (or prologue) and I will give you a critique as well as a rating. There are no requirements and I will read anything. If I miss your story, it was by accident- just send me a message.
THE V2 BEST OF LIST
1. Caninstinct https://www.scribblehub.com/series/62445/caninstinct/
2. Ange'ls Dirge https://www.scribblehub.com/series/229892/angels-dirge/
3. Queensmen https://www.scribblehub.com/series/163971/queensmen/
4. Hive https://www.scribblehub.com/series/334266/hive/
5. A Meeting of the Ways https://www.scribblehub.com/series/700231/a-meeting-of-the-ways/
Be Sure to Check out my Other Thread for my Youtube Channel
https://forum.scribblehub.com/threads/looking-for-things-to-review.6228/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUJHTBWLa93g8k9SAXCgSzw
Oh wow, what a mess up, I think I fixed it now, but thanks for pointing it out. English isn’t my native language, so I probably just read over it lol. Thanks!Snip
I so appreciate you taking the time to read through my book! You're right, the tenses switched around a lot in the first few chapters, as I wasn't sure which tense I wanted to go with, which is my own fault for not editing. I'm going to finish the first draft and go back and edit the entire thing once the story is complete.Right away-- between paragraphs 1 and 2-- you swap tenses. Unlike the story above you however, I think the writing is otherwise strong. In fact the writing is so good that it's weird you made this mistake. Not saying it's perfect; there's a few bits I would trim down in editing but the bulk is great. You do swap back and forth a bit though.
Coming back on this, what’s your policy on asking for feedback after editing?Oh wow, what a mess up, I think I fixed it now, but thanks for pointing it out. English isn’t my native language, so I probably just read over it lol. Thanks!
Give it at least two weeks.Coming back on this, what’s your policy on asking for feedback after editing?
RATING: Would not Keep ReadingCan you give my novel some of your precious wisdom
Transforming the Word
Zenon's life changed when he came across a fortunate accident that changed his life for better or worse. He obtained an Ancient Magic so unique that it required the combination of two different, yet at the same time suitable entities. Magic and Science...www.scribblehub.com
I read chapter 1 because zero seems like a prologue. RATING: Would not Keep Reading.Here's an action fantasy story - Kinshura - Scribblehub. Its about a unique race of isolated people beginning to interact with the world around them. It's not a LitRPG and also not a self-insert kind of story. There's a heavy focus on combat and adventure with worldbuilding mixed in thereas well. I'd appreciate any form of feedback. View attachment 22801
Oopsie poopsie. Skipped this one. RATING: I might come back and finish the chapter. It was good enough, just longgggg.And here is my first chapter: Elise and the Transcendents.
Okay, so first of all: Thank you for the detailed feedback. The part about the descriptions in particular is definitely something I'll try to work on in the future.Oopsie poopsie. Skipped this one. RATING: I might come back and finish the chapter. It was good enough, just longgggg.
(review)
Since I have you, one positive I forgot to mention is the authorial voice. There's something that comes through on the writing that is very pleasant. Almost fairytale esque.Okay, so first of all: Thank you for the detailed feedback. The part about the descriptions in particular is definitely something I'll try to work on in the future.
So, the little girl thing: It's not like that's an ideal form. I guess I wasn't clear enough in the chapter, but the idea is that the mechanics of this world make it so that gaining power slows down the aging process, while transcending stops it completely, and these girls simply gained power early enough and at a fast enough rate that their aging simply didn't progress too far. It's totally okay that you were weirded out by that aspect. I just find the dissonance between their young appearances and their personalities/abilities/actions to be interesting.
Finally, the overall idea of this chapter is explaining how the protagonist was brought up, and thus explaining why she acts the way she does in the series, because she definitely does not act like a normal child. It's an approach that has its downsides, but I thought it was best in this case.