DarklyReadsBooks
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- Feb 23, 2021
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https://www.scribblehub.com/read/290103-my-auction-system/chapter/293095/
Enjoy my shit writing my friend!
Enjoy my shit writing my friend!
Would not keep readinghttps://www.scribblehub.com/read/290103-my-auction-system/chapter/293095/
Enjoy my shit writing my friend!
Welcome back from death, thanks for the feedback, I'll continue writing but I'll try to work on what you saidAgain and again I come back from the dead.
Would not keep reading
I take it you are going for comedy here and I always preface that by saying "comedy is subjective." Did I find it funny? No, so it doesn't work for me.
Past that though, I'd like to do a slightly deeper dive in that I have to ask: where are the jokes? What is supposed to be funny. The only whimsical elements here are the auction thing (which is kind of cute) and the meta elements. Where are the jokes? Do other people see meta nods and think it's inherently funny? I'm not sure I get it.
I just found out about this thread so I thought I might give it a go!So I saw this done elsewhere and thought it would be fun.
If anyone wants to volunteer, I'll read your very first chapter (not prologue or anything else) and based solely on that I'll give a quick opinion on whether or not I'd continue reading the entire work. It's like a mini review for the first chapter and the ability to hook the audience!
I can make no guarantees with how contemporaneous it will be, but I'll try and stay up with this thread the best I can.
And if it seems I missed you on the review, just send me a message. There's a lot of stuff and it's entirely possible I could accidently skip someone.
Since this thread has become pretty prolific, I figured I'd make a best of the best list. My personal favorite three starting chapters are:
1. Caninstinct https://www.scribblehub.com/series/62445/caninstinct/
2. Ange'ls Dirge https://www.scribblehub.com/series/229892/angels-dirge/
3. Queensmen https://www.scribblehub.com/series/163971/queensmen/
And no I won't be making a worst of the worst list.
I feel very medium about this one. I'm not sure which way to go with it.I just found out about this thread so I thought I might give it a go!
Here is my link: https://www.scribblehub.com/read/257927-the-heroine-is-a-villainess/chapter/257930/
Happy reading
I would read one more chapter to see.Oh! An opportunity!
I am always curious about my new readers, which I noticed in my stats, many of which always stop at the first chapter of my series. I don't know if it's because they feel cheated with the tag (I put the tag in advance while the story is concerned is still far away) or because my grammar is bad (English is my second language) or something. Maybe you can give me some input.
Thank you in advance.
Would not keep reading.Just Your Stereotypical Isekai
Read the title, still not satisfied? Fine. A NEET God who is in denial about the fact that he's a NEET accidentally fucks up. So, the MC first gets transported to the Ypsilos Realm to meet Mr NEET God so he can say sorry and transport MC to his world....www.scribblehub.com
Because I was super bored, I decided to just write a random chapter so it'll probably be very shitty
I was originally gonna add like a second part with the other character's POV but it was gonna be too long so
(for some reason I feel like I'm on r/roastme)
So firstly, I'm happy to know I got the thumbs up and I am super grateful for your feedback! It makes me glad to be able to receive this type of criticism to improve my work!I feel very medium about this one. I'm not sure which way to go with it.
After writing it all out and having thought about it. I'll give it a thumbs up, at least for people who are fans of this genre. It's much better than the average execution of this work and there's a lot of potential there.
Ugh I feel like my two critiques got taken the complete opposite way.So firstly, I'm happy to know I got the thumbs up and I am super grateful for your feedback! It makes me glad to be able to receive this type of criticism to improve my work!
Regarding the past lives: The MC has time looped 9 times, so that is a lot of years to go by and so I decided to just approach her past gradually in order to avoid delivering too much information to the reader. So for eg: only when an assassin appears, I begin to explain a little bit of her 2nd life, and so on. Of course, I intend to approach all her lives clearly but I'm doing it gradually since the novel itself will have several volumes, however, I will take your advice into account on the chapters I am currently writing and see if I can make it clearer to the reader in terms of her past, and time frame! Do you think adding dates would improve? Or even writing more about her lives overall?
Oh, and since it is a time loop, this is kind of like Re: Zero, all her lives were different since she addressed them differently that's why I think it might be too much info straight away!
Regarding the "heavy parts": I added these more gore parts (with the rape, abuse, and others) in order to create her "villainess" character, I wasn't using it as a shortcut whatsoever but I would love to know if you have any suggestions of improving! In other words, what didn't you enjoy? Was it the lack of details? The dialogue between the characters? [If you don't mind answering of course! I'm just being stubborn because I want to get better at writing but it's alright if you don't wish to answer!]
Thank you for the feedback once again!
[I will review the chapters before I begin the 2nd volume and I will get to those formatting details! ]
Oh! Now I get it! Sorry for misunderstanding what you said, sometimes language barriers are tough especially since I was very sleepy yesterday when I replied (my brain was only at 50% of power)Ugh I feel like my two critiques got taken the complete opposite way.
For the past lives, I don't want to see any of it in the first chapter. I said acknowledge that it happened but keep any details just out of it because it distracts from the current timeline which is what we need to be invested in.
In terms of the heavy parts, it was a matter of the prejudice going in and your overall level of prose more or less looking like writers who do it poorly. I think you got the concept done correctly, I just wanted to appear more above board.
Would not keep reading.I am a newbie at writing and this is also my first time writing a novel so I seriously need to know how am I doing. Please give me some feedback TT I will be very grateful
Transmigrated to become Hero’s Aid
Life was peaceful. Enjoying the university life, having fun with friends, a family which was neither poor nor rich, warmhearted and loving parents and cute little sister, Arkar could not ask more for his life. It could be said as one of the best for him who appreciated such peaceful...www.scribblehub.com
yeahhhh. Parts of it had a prologue-y feel.Oh! Now I get it! Sorry for misunderstanding what you said, sometimes language barriers are tough especially since I was very sleepy yesterday when I replied (my brain was only at 50% of power)
Yeah, I understand what you mean now. I guess my first chapter is a little bit like a "prologue" sort of (in a way that provides a little bit of information on her lives).
Regarding the heavy parts, I do mention them lightly in the first chapter but further down in the novel, everything becomes more explicit and I throw a "flashback" to her most traumatizing moments and such (I basically time loop back and forth in the story). But since you only read the 1st chapter it makes sense that you feel like it is something said very "lightly" you know?
Either way, thank you very much for your critiques! When I do the review of the first volume of my novel I will take all of these into account and change whatever might be necessary! Once again, thank you very much! I'm very thankful for your insights/critics!
Would not keep reading.
†UNHOLY PRIEST†
Note: Extremely cruel and vicious protagonist Shadows. Beware of shadows. An alluring light casts an unholy shadow. People called him charming, seductive, and divine. A light, that purified all Evil. But who truly was he. A priest who guided people by the day. Or. A necromancer, who caged...www.scribblehub.com
Would not keep reading.I guess you can try mine as well.
Seekers of The End
Luca Lawrence never, even in his wildest dreams, imagined dying at the age of 29. Not to mention being ruthlessly rejected by the Karmic Cycle of rebirth! On the brink of dissipation into nothingness, cursing at the faulty system, he could only grind his teeth and accept the challenge. Well...www.scribblehub.com
Although, I am not really sure if the first chapter can spark your interest. The first survival game in my story starts from chapter 3/4.
Thank you very much for the analysis and the suggestion. I do agree that there is a certain disparity between the beginning and the rest of the chapter. Of course, with it being not very exciting as well. Perhaps, chapter one should have been a prologue.Would not keep reading.
I actually really like the structure. Normally you establish the character in their life and then kill them with these sorts of things, but you do the opposite and it works.
On the other hand, I don't find either half compelling. The death portion was a bunch of waxing poetically about nonsense. It looks really nice, but the ideas there were just nonsense. On one hand you have the narrator telling you about all the mysteries about death that you can't possibly know. But also he explains the process of dying in extreme detail. He doesn't know how long it takes to walk down the dark tunnel. . . that he just did and is describing?
And then the second half is just kind of empty (heh). You tell us things about the MC but you don't do it in an interesting way. In fact as I write this, I think the problem is that the two halves DON'T go together. We know he's dead, he knows he's dead. So this whole mystery and the build up to a "new start" is pointless, because we already know all this.
I think it COULD work really, really well though. You just need to flip the structure once again. A double flip! Have him start off in the room and put together an exciting mystery. Every clue he finds about his life slowly leads him to the conclusion that he is dead. And then the finale would be him remembering it.
It wouldn't be exciting conceptually, but you could present it in a cool way and if you nail the character and the mystery buildup, that would make for an engaging first chapter by virtue of flair alone.
Something to think about.
I think I have to clarify something here. There is meaning to this because he knows he is dead. He is dead. He should be able to, yet he can't start a new life. Therefore, in order to earn back his rights, he agrees to proceed with this crooked journey. You can think of this as a long ride with many stops in the middle, but the final destination is actually the first point from which he has to proceed forward. Sorry, if I make no sense to you. The point of the Fool is not to be mysterious. It just symbolizes a beginning, a journey, innocence, and naivety. The Fool's journey is a spiritual journey full of obstacles, it isn't equal to the start of a new life.We know he's dead, he knows he's dead. So this whole mystery and the build up to a "new start" is pointless, because we already know all this.
Some of that is moderately there, and the core idea for the story is the same thing as something I'm writing. I think it's just a matter of clarity. How is what he is doing different from being alive? What would that new life look like? What is the overall game?I think I have to clarify something here. There is meaning to this because he knows he is dead. He is dead. He should be able to, yet he can't start a new life. Therefore, in order to earn back his rights, he agrees to proceed with this crooked journey. You can think of this as a long ride with many stops in the middle, but the final destination is actually the first point from which he has to proceed forward. Sorry, if I make no sense to you. The point of the Fool is not to be mysterious. It just symbolizes a beginning, a journey, innocence, and naivety. The Fool's journey is a spiritual journey full of obstacles, it isn't equal to the start of a new life.
I like the idea of starting from the room, but he can enter this space only because he agreed to enter the Path of Life. Otherwise, he would have already disappeared. This chapter really shouldn't have been labeled as chapter one. It really is more of a prologue, because the real journey starts from the moment he gets the Tarot card, which is literally the last thing in the chapter.
Would not keep reading.Is this still up? Can I ask for a first chapter feedback for Erden?
The thing I'm going for utilizing the use of a hyphen monologue is that whenever the hyphen appears, you'll immediately know it's the main character's internal monologue.Your use of internal monologue was strange but I guess I got use to it.
Everyone's calling him that, meaning, everyone recognizes him as that.They mostly felt odd. Why is everyone calling him 'little commander'? That's goofy and weird
I'm setting the mother up as eccentric.Why is his mom giving him the thumbs up at completely inappropriate time? That's as anachronistic as it's absurd.
Herein lies my issue. My first chapter is the introductory part of a small three-act structure, where I've introduced my character, his personality, and a few points of what's to come. And continues on to chapter 4 (three-act but cut into four parts lol)I'd say make the characters feel less stiff and tip your hand a bit more. We need more about this ceremony.