Paul's feedback thread

[T.K._Paradox]

Well shit, live reading?

Gotta push out more chapters now.

 

[DataNerdX]

"Live reading" like reading it out loud? I'm really curious how my story, Renalia's Tale, sounds outside of my head-voice.

Good luck on your channel. It seems labor intensive but really interesting, so I hope it works out.

 

[melchi]

Magical Girl? I’m not sure about this.

A manly guy get chosen by a pink bird to become a magical girl. It is heavily inspired by games like trance female fantasy, monster girl island, and magical camp. Note: The only place this is posted is Scribblehub, if it shows up somewhere else it has been stolen.

www.scribblehub.com

You could do mine if you want though it is gender bender. Also the first few chapters are a bit longer than the norm.

 

[Paul_Michaels]

@Paul_Tromba
TY channel name:
Novice Novels

 

[Sebas_Guzman]

Paul, I've run multiple youtube channels before I tried writing novels, one of them having over 30, 000 subscribers with a few videos hitting over 500,000 in views.
If you want to expand outward, you want a generic-like name. What I mean is that if the channel isn't about YOU it should describe it's purpose. So, "Webnovel Critic, Webnovel Central, Terrible Webnovels." Those are just suggestions to get you the idea of what I mean by generic.

If you dont care about growth, and just want to have fun, then it doesnt really matter.

 

[Jmoonday]

Guess I'll throw my hat in the ring.

This World That Called for Us

 

[MrPopocap]

I'm starting a feedback thread as you probably read in the title. Whatever stories are submitted, I may read on Youtube so that the author may gain more traction and because it could be fun. The rules are simple.

1. Any story is allowed so long as it's on ScribbleHub. (I will not go to links on RR, Webnovel, Ritoria, Wattpad, or others)
2. Any story you offer up for feedback can qualify for a live reading each Sunday.
3. I will only read the first 3 chapters (If you think I should read more "because the plot doesn't set in until later," then you should probably work on that first)
4. You must post the link or I won't click on it (signatures do not work all the time for me)
5. Take my feedback with a grain of salt as it is only my opinion.

Rating system:
Grammar, rated from 1 - 5
Spelling, rated 1 - 5
Plot, rated 1 - 5
characterization, rated 1 - 5
Enjoyment, rated 1 - 5 (this is based on personal opinion)

The total points will be added up and divided by five to decide the total star rating. Any story with a rating higher than 3/5 will qualify for me to read and act out each Sunday. One story will be rated each business day on this thread so don't submit the same story repeatedly. I will get to you when I can. I will do my best not to be harsh, but to instead give positive feedback with brute honesty. Anyways, have fun.

Here: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/619639/reincarnated-as-poseidon-in-gow/


I legit like those threads. Normally, I get a low score, but I don't really care, I just want more people to read my fics.

Thanks in advance.

 

[TheMonotonePuppet]

I'm starting a feedback thread as you probably read in the title. Whatever stories are submitted, I may read on Youtube so that the author may gain more traction and because it could be fun. The rules are simple.

1. Any story is allowed so long as it's on ScribbleHub. (I will not go to links on RR, Webnovel, Ritoria, Wattpad, or others)
2. Any story you offer up for feedback can qualify for a live reading each Sunday.
3. I will only read the first 3 chapters (If you think I should read more "because the plot doesn't set in until later," then you should probably work on that first)
4. You must post the link or I won't click on it (signatures do not work all the time for me)
5. Take my feedback with a grain of salt as it is only my opinion.

Rating system:
Grammar, rated from 1 - 5
Spelling, rated 1 - 5
Plot, rated 1 - 5
characterization, rated 1 - 5
Enjoyment, rated 1 - 5 (this is based on personal opinion)

The total points will be added up and divided by five to decide the total star rating. Any story with a rating higher than 3/5 will qualify for me to read and act out each Sunday. One story will be rated each business day on this thread so don't submit the same story repeatedly. I will get to you when I can. I will do my best not to be harsh, but to instead give positive feedback with brute honesty. Anyways, have fun.

Ooh! Ooh! Me! Please!!! Me!!! Please!!!
Edit: I’m on my phone… I can’t post a link… I don’t know how…
I’ll do it later this evening.
Edit-edit: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/740729/charisma/

 

[Paul_Tromba]

Ooh! Ooh! Me! Please!!! Me!!! Please!!!
Edit: I’m on my phone… I can’t post a link… I don’t know how…
I’ll do it later this evening.

Just let me know. Send the link and I'll add it.

 

[expentio]

Oh my, I'm kinda interested, but at the same time too shy to make the jump.

 

[Paul_Tromba]

Oh my, I'm kinda interested, but at the same time too shy to make the jump.

It's up to you. Take your time.

 

[LowinKeshin]

Can I have a read as well? Also, may I have a link to your youtube channel? Sounds fun to watch. In His Will

 

[TheMonotonePuppet]

Just let me know. Send the link and I'll add it.

I added the link!

 

[Paul_Tromba]

Parallel Log

Rating system:
Grammar, rated: 2/5
Spelling, rated: 5/5
Plot, rated: 3/5
characterization, rated: 2/5
Enjoyment, rated: 3/5

3/5 stars

The story has a good premise. It could use some better descriptions as it feels like it’s mainly dialogue and some grammar fixes as there are times when the grammar doesn’t make sense. Spelling is top notch. The plot is good but there are times when you say things that have not been explained as if the reader should already know about it. The characters are okay but there is very little personality growth between characters in the first three chapters. The MC doesn’t even seem phased by the fact that they died or the fact that they are in their own world. I guess since he is the author then it would be more acceptable but it still doesn’t fit. I enjoyed it to a degree, but not enough for me to want to keep reading. It lacks a good hook in any of the first three chapters.

 

[T.K._Paradox]

Alrighty, Senior Paul.

I got my three course chapter for the chopping block:

The Occult Files Of Michael Bloom

A story following the adventures of an eccentric detective as he takes on cults, mystical beings, and the social elite.

www.scribblehub.com

Hope you enjoy.

 

[Five6212]

Oh my! Please let us know when you create the youtube channel, would love to check it out; here’s my story: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/764812/ravenswood/

 

[Paul_Tromba]

Appreciate the effort. First time I have almost got close to finishing the first volume of my novel.
Some critiques would really be appreciated.

St Chaos Healer
Here's my novel. The pacing has been a bit slow but I try to introduce the readers to the new world as our mc adapts.

Really appreciate taking the time to do this.

Rating system:
Grammar, rated from 4
Spelling, rated 5
Plot, rated 4
characterization, rated 3
Enjoyment, rated 4
4 / 5 stars

Excellent hook within the first chapter. Grammar has some issues at times where there are some run-on sentences but most can be fixed with simple editing. Spelling is top-notch. The plot is good but is a bit of an overused plot so that may turn away some people. Revenge stories are big now so don’t worry about it too much. The pacing is also good. It may be slow for some people but I feel like it works for your story. The MCs character is really well done and many of the side characters feel as if they are very 3-dimensional. My only major complaint is in the chapter labeled as "birth," You described a proper birth very poorly as it's head first, not feet first. babies are too fragile to come out feet first without breaking their legs. You should do more research on this. My overall enjoyment of it was good as it kept me captivated. Would keep reading.

 

[MisterEnigmatic]

Alright, Mr.Paul, I've got it right here. I'm curious about how your rate the grammar above all else.

P.S. It's a wee bit degenerate (like me), so be forewarned.

My Enigmatic Life

Hullo, there. My name is Daisuke Colen, born in England by two English parents. Why do I have a Japanese given name, you ask? It's a long story. Do you mind if I ask you a sort of.... odd question? No? Right. Suppose you were feeling homesick, so you decide...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Paul_Tromba]

This is so cool! I didn't know you had a youtube channel! Good luck with that! You could link it so I can follow.

I'll leave the link to my story below, however, I already got excellent feedback from Envy and Prince Azmiran, so I don't mind if you skip my story in favor of others who haven't received feedback yet.

Link:

Nowhere to Run

Nina is a young priestess that just started her journey in the Highlands, in a faraway land. But everything falls apart when greater forces are scheming and unknown men are suddenly after her. She will have no choice but to resort to her wits, trust unexpected allies, and navigate her...

www.scribblehub.com

Rating system:
Grammar, rated 2
Spelling, rated 4
Plot, rated 3
characterization, rated 2
Enjoyment, rated 3
2.8 / 5

The story is great with good characters and an interesting start to the plotline. Worldbuilding is plentiful but not forced down your throat or in a wall of text, but naturally a part of the story itself. Your grammar could use some work as there were a lot of run-on sentences and sentences that were near impossible to read aloud as they didn’t make sense. Spelling was pretty good with only a few mistakes here and there. As for the plot, it’s good but I don’t know much about it. The hook in the prologue makes you want to read further though so that’s good. The main characters feel very real but a lot of the side characters or unimportant characters (IE the northman, with the exception of the youngest) feel as though they have no real personalities. I enjoyed it and would recommend it to others but probably wouldn’t keep reading it due to personal preference.

 

[Bartun]

Rating system:
Grammar, rated 2
Spelling, rated 4
Plot, rated 3
characterization, rated 2
Enjoyment, rated 3
2.8 / 5

The story is great with good characters and an interesting start to the plotline. Worldbuilding is plentiful but not forced down your throat or in a wall of text, but naturally a part of the story itself. Your grammar could use some work as there were a lot of run-on sentences and sentences that were near impossible to read aloud as they didn’t make sense. Spelling was pretty good with only a few mistakes here and there. As for the plot, it’s good but I don’t know much about it. The hook in the prologue makes you want to read further though so that’s good. The main characters feel very real but a lot of the side characters or unimportant characters (IE the northman, with the exception of the youngest) feel as though they have no real personalities. I enjoyed it and would recommend it to others but probably wouldn’t keep reading it due to personal preference.

Thank you so much for your honest thoughts.

Yeah, the grammar and the run-on sentences are something I need to fix. It is more evident in the first chapters, I think the later chapters are better. I will make some time for an edit run after finishing the current arc.

And you're right, I only started developing the Northmen in recent chapters, I also need to fix that.

Again, thank you so much for your time. It means a lot.