TheTrinary
Hi, I'm Stephen
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2020
- Messages
- 982
- Points
- 133
Would not keep reading.
Two points to touch on. First on a writing level you have a nice flow to your words; it's readable. But it's also sparse. You don't explain things. You don't give details. It's all this happened then that happened and then this happened. Take for example when you talk about how magic came into the world. You just say it happened on top of Mount Everest. But how? What did it look like? How did people know magic came. You don't need to get into technical details, but you have to give us something for us to look at and say, this is happening. And this is throughout your writing mind you.
Point two. . . what? It started out epic sci fi. And then you threw fantasy in there, and I was with it. Weird mish mash but could be cool. And then you randomly throw in litrpg elements. What? That was never established. Why? What? You can't just switch genres every three paragraphs because you feel like it. It was a chaotic mess that lacked foundation and seemed like the author hit there head and forgot what they were writing every coupled of minutes.
And I guess thirdly. Humor is subjective yadda yadda. Been through it a million times. But the writing felt really juvenile in the humor and I wasn't with it.
Two points to touch on. First on a writing level you have a nice flow to your words; it's readable. But it's also sparse. You don't explain things. You don't give details. It's all this happened then that happened and then this happened. Take for example when you talk about how magic came into the world. You just say it happened on top of Mount Everest. But how? What did it look like? How did people know magic came. You don't need to get into technical details, but you have to give us something for us to look at and say, this is happening. And this is throughout your writing mind you.
Point two. . . what? It started out epic sci fi. And then you threw fantasy in there, and I was with it. Weird mish mash but could be cool. And then you randomly throw in litrpg elements. What? That was never established. Why? What? You can't just switch genres every three paragraphs because you feel like it. It was a chaotic mess that lacked foundation and seemed like the author hit there head and forgot what they were writing every coupled of minutes.
And I guess thirdly. Humor is subjective yadda yadda. Been through it a million times. But the writing felt really juvenile in the humor and I wasn't with it.