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[TheTrinary]

And what about YOUR novels? Are there any role models or good examples for me to follow?

Uh if you're just talking about basic sentence construction. . . normally. I'm not sure my novels are a great guide as a whole since I write what interests me, and what interests me are new and different things so they have their peculiarities. Structure on one. Presentation on the other.

I'm not even sure it works half the time. But yeah, it's in my sig.

I’m pretty confident in my grammar now, can you check it again?

TK40: The 40th century - Prologue: Alica | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

It's definitely an improvement. The writing is still rough here and there but it's readable enough to at least ask if the content is independently entertaining. In that regard it's fine. The character voice was a little immature, but otherwise it was fine.

 

[Nhatduongg]

It's definitely an improvement. The writing is still rough here and there but it's readable enough to at least ask if the content is independently entertaining. In that regard it's fine. The character voice was a little immature, but otherwise it was fine.

I can understand my writing still miss at some spot, but what do you mean the character voice was immature?

 

[TheTrinary]

I can understand my writing still miss at some spot, but what do you mean the character voice was immature?

Uh the letter written by the previous Earth leader or whatever. His voice was pretty childish. Like, that's not how a world leader talks. That's especially not how someone like that leaves something behind for posterity.

 

[SinOfPride]

And really what makes this more of a tepid yes is the writing style. You have a very detached way of writing that really removes the reader from the story. Even when you're not throwing in extra phrases and detractors, there's a sort of passivity to it that's odd.

Hmm, do you mean the writing style is bad?
as for the detached way of writing, I think it's because I try to keep my emotions out of the novel so they don't affect the writing or the characters.
It's like writing objectively without favoring one side. I thought this would improve characterization as a whole but it seems I was wrong.

 

[penelope_p]

Hello, what a nice idea.
Would appreciate your feedback.

The Lightning God

The first time they met she poisoned him. The second she kissed him. The third she stabbed him. Hiraya was convinced she and the fire clan’s general were ill-fated. But how does one avoid fate? Is it not by way of fate that ardent lovers separate and sworn enemies...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Deleted member 60765]

Go search, there’re a lot on this side. (Idk you sound rude).

Maybe I'm jealous.

 

[SakeVision]

hey, if you're still doing this, could you provide feedback on the first chapter of my novel?
Feel free to be merciless~!

Black Wind, White Lotus

In this world, there are haves and have nots. The former are pureblooded humans, some of whom are capable of manipulating qi, the mysterious energy that flows through every living creature, to miraculous results that defy the laws of nature and physics. Wen Feili was one such cultivator...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Gallas]

Can you read mine?

Clara’s Journey - 1 – That Girl named Clara | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

 

[TheTrinary]

Hmm, do you mean the writing style is bad?
as for the detached way of writing, I think it's because I try to keep my emotions out of the novel so they don't affect the writing or the characters.
It's like writing objectively without favoring one side. I thought this would improve characterization as a whole but it seems I was wrong.

Bad as in voice. I don't know what else to say. You write him like he's a thirteen year old, not the leader of Earth.

And not detached as in emotional, detached as in spatial. Passive vs. active detached.



Hey everyone, I wasn't getting notifications about replies to this thread for some reason and realized I'm super behind. I'll try and get caught up in a day or two.

 

[BenJepheneT]

I'll try and get caught up in a day or two.

It's like a countdown to a potential barbeque.

 

[Anon_Y_Mousse]

Hmm, you know what I may as well get another source of feedback for my story:

Reincarnation of the Great Conqueror - Chapter 1: Family | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Nhatduongg]

Hello, I’ve written a new novel but haven’t uploaded it.
Can you leave a review? I want to be sure before publishing.

So if you don't mind me posting a bunch of pictures like this.

Spoiler

Thanks again!

 

[TheTrinary]

Hello, what a nice idea.
Would appreciate your feedback.

The Lightning God

The first time they met she poisoned him. The second she kissed him. The third she stabbed him. Hiraya was convinced she and the fire clan’s general were ill-fated. But how does one avoid fate? Is it not by way of fate that ardent lovers separate and sworn enemies...

www.scribblehub.com

Would keep reading.

Generally, it's quite good and well made. As a web novel it's hard to find fault, but it's one of those where I get the feeling you'd rather be a published author, so I'll offer you advice on that front.

There were a few mistakes and it could use a line editor on the whole. Someone to really get in there and question every little decision and push you to punch it up.

And then you lack any real sense of purpose or excitement here. It's a fine chapter, but I'm not sure what the hook is. The earlier you can make us care the better. It's just a bunch of descriptions and world building. It's done right, but that on it's own isn't a story. And structurally, I'm actually a little confused what we have here based on the synopsis.

hey, if you're still doing this, could you provide feedback on the first chapter of my novel?
Feel free to be merciless~!

Black Wind, White Lotus

In this world, there are haves and have nots. The former are pureblooded humans, some of whom are capable of manipulating qi, the mysterious energy that flows through every living creature, to miraculous results that defy the laws of nature and physics. Wen Feili was one such cultivator...

www.scribblehub.com

It's fine for its audience. I have no opinions one way or the other.

I do find the ending a little jarring though. The idea that she isn't good enough isn't really establish is it? Nothing happens to bring us to that point?

Can you read mine?

Clara’s Journey - 1 – That Girl named Clara | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

Would not keep reading.

Outside of the writing being a little rough, there seems to be a reckless disregard for your own stakes and what you set up. You'll talk about something and then literally say: "never mind that." You'll establish that her father is probably dead, but then don't even bother to conclude that because she made a new friend.

It's hard to be invested in a story when the writer doesn't put any weight behind the words and doesn't seem to care about payoff or consequence.

 

[FeverDream]

Hey, what's up?

If you are still doing it, I would love to hear your opnions on my first chapter!

 

[TheTrinary]

My Onee-chan-Sensei(Onee-San X Shota) - Chapter 1: The Start💗💗 | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

Can I get some feedback please? Im one, new to writing so it would be nice to learn what to improve on and two, first time writing smut so I feel like im doing something wrong.

This is pedophilia. . . . incestuous pedophilia.

Hmm, you know what I may as well get another source of feedback for my story:

Reincarnation of the Great Conqueror - Chapter 1: Family | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

Would keep reading.

Surprisingly clever and I like the premise of dueling magic systems. I'm not sure what kind of legs something like that would have, but it's a cool start and there's some nuance there. Fun blending of east and west.

Hello, I’ve written a new novel but haven’t uploaded it.
Can you leave a review? I want to be sure before publishing.

So if you don't mind me posting a bunch of pictures like this.

Spoiler

View attachment 9340View attachment 9341View attachment 9342View attachment 9343View attachment 9344View attachment 9345View attachment 9346View attachment 9347View attachment 9348View attachment 9349

Thanks again!

Would keep reading.

The writing is definitely rough but you did a great job characterizing your MC and for that alone I like it.

Hey, what's up?

If you are still doing it, I would love to hear your opnions on my first chapter!

Would absolutely keep reading.

What a cool first chapter and I absolutely love the idea. The writing is great. It oozes with style. I'm not happy with what its in service of (this sort of middle of the road d&d fantasy feel) but to be fair, that's the target demo for sites like this so you're playing to your actual audience.

Screw it. Goes on my best of list.

 

[Deleted member 60765]

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
It has been 3 weeks or something, and I tried to remaster my novel...
It's not really pretty, but here it is.

Isekai Office

Thousand years ago, a trio of Elite God has built a paradise where humans can reincarnate into what they want. People from Overworld called it 'Isekai Office'. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[TheTrinary]

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
It has been 3 weeks or something, and I tried to remaster my novel...
It's not really pretty, but here it is.

Isekai Office

Thousand years ago, a trio of Elite God has built a paradise where humans can reincarnate into what they want. People from Overworld called it 'Isekai Office'. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------...

www.scribblehub.com

Yeah. Not only did you fix the narrative inconsistency, but I actually like the MC's voice. It hits that right level of conversational.

 

[Deleted member 60765]

Yeah. Not only did you fix the narrative inconsistency, but I actually like the MC's voice. It hits that right level of conversational.

This gives me lots of motivations ^_^
Oh, and about the "narrative inconsistency", let just say that I will still occasionally switching the POV because sometimes the story revolves more about the MC, but sometimes there are fighting scenes or maybe some actions that the MC can't interpret. But don't worry, it wouldn't ruin the novel.

 

[SakeVision]

It's fine for its audience. I have no opinions one way or the other.
I do find the ending a little jarring though. The idea that she isn't good enough isn't really establish is it? Nothing happens to bring us to that point?

Eh, it's established in the blurb and earlier in the chapter when it's said that demi humans can't cultivate, so she can never reach her goal of becoming a cultivator. Actually, I kinda understand your confusion tho, if you didn't read the blurb. But it will be later explained anyway, so whatever.

more curiously, I wonder what are the perceived intended audiences of my fiction, cause I actually wasn't and am not thinking about that when writing

 

[FeverDream]

Would absolutely keep reading.

What a cool first chapter and I absolutely love the idea. The writing is great. It oozes with style. I'm not happy with what its in service of (this sort of middle of the road d&d fantasy feel) but to be fair, that's the target demo for sites like this so you're playing to your actual audience.

Screw it. Goes on my best of list.

Woww, thanks! This really motivates me to keep writing. I really liked how the first chapter ended up, so it's great to see I'm not the only one.

I hope that you enjoy the rest of the story if you decide to keep reading it!