I'm currently floating aimlessly, and I supposed that some feedback would change that. I'd really appreciate any comments about my story. Thanks in advance!
If you do indeed read my story, please share your thoughts in this thread. Again, Thanks!
Remus is an enigma, talented, handsome, smart, almost the full package. But being such an enigma is not necessarily always good, Remus can testify as much. For instance probably due to his talent that had him caught in conflict far away from home, that same overwhelming talent that had him...
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Good day to you. Before I start with the feedback, I would mention that English is my second language. I stopped reading after finishing Chapter 2 – Shackled.
It's a flowery nothing.
After reading the first few paragraphs, I was conflicted about what to think of your writing. It was harder to understand than I would've liked it to be. Example.
The sky was an eerie purple-tinged black, My first time reading the phrase 'the sky was black,' where black is used as a noun.
But after reading half of chapter one, I got used to it. After I finished chapter one, I was extremely tired of your writing. After I finished chapter two, there was no chance in hell I would continue reading your novel.
Because of your writing\prose, it's tedious to read, as you've got a very repetitive way of writing. Repetitive in the sense that you repeat the sentence structures all the time and use the same phrases. Sure, you use words that are rarely used and try to not repeat the said words. However, your usage of those words devalues them. Moreover, MC and the narrator have almost the same way of talking.
As I said before, your writing holds no story in it.
Here's an example of flowery nothing.
Piercing eldrich screams echoed in the boundless dark from all directions in synchronous with unending inundating sensations that washed over like waves of the monsoon, rapid and heavy.
You spend your word count writing sentences like the above one. Because of that, there is nothing left of the story.
The dude transmigrates, reincarnates, or wakes up in an unknown place. He walks around trying to find food and water but ends up being caught and cuffed. In chapter two, he is guided to a cage, tries to run away, fails, and sits in a cage. In the cage, he apparently fights with snails. The end. Why should I bother reading more? There are no necessary descriptions, explanations, or exposition.
and I suppose I could count escaping the Murim1 as a lucky star...' You waste your word count writing unnecessary stuff, but in turn, you don't bother to explain what Murim is. I don't care who else uses it and why. Your way of 'explaining' the term is shit writing. You write in a third-person POV. Which means you can explain everything in the text.
I've also just processed my first glossary entry. It's a concise description of the Status sheet. To be fair, I don't know whether you will explain the status sheet later in the story. If yes, I've got no qualms with this. If not, another shit writing.
I noticed a couple of typos. Nothing serious here.
by the skin of his teet
h!'.
"Yes! Yes, yes! Out...Plea
se!".
Clenching his hands tight, Remus grunted "Uf
f!".
"OH! HEYYY! NICE TO FINALLY SEE SOMEONE ALIV
E!".
And lastly, it's not something that will affect my assessment; I'm simply curious. Why are you self-censoring 'fuck' when you have a strong language content warning?
As usual, I didn't rate your story. But if I had to, 2.5 stars. Although I dislike the way you write, your prose, how you write, call it however you want, it's relatively easy to read. Not so easy to comprehend though. The main gripe is a non-existent story.
