Prince_Azmiran_Myrian
🐉Burns you with his Love🐉
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2022
- Messages
- 1,980
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Again, I appreciate your feedback and for taking your time to read my silliness.I tried to keep in my mind that it was animals, but whenever they did anything or described how buildings looked, and so on, I felt discrepancy. Because I try to keep in my mind that its animals(mystical creatures), yet they don't mimic humans but literally are humans. I tried to imagine that MC is a dragon walking on his hind legs. But then he proceeds to raise an eyebrow or hold a sword. Okay, he is a dragon, perhaps a dragon's claws are more like human hands, but a griffin holding and shooting a crossbow with paws\claws... I can't explain it to myself.
And it's not about fully anthropomorphizing the characters. You missed the point. They ACT like humans, think like humans, and have the same emotions as humans. They are not animals that MOVE and look slightly like humans; they are humans that resemble animals(mystical beings).
It's not a dragon mimicking humans; it's a human with a tail, wings, and the ability to breathe fire. It's not a griffin; it's a human with wings, tails, and good vision. And so on.
And I'm not saying it's a bad idea, uncool, or cringe. I meant that your execution, in my opinion, is lacking to say the least.
As a synopsis, your prologue sucks because it's an info dump. As a prologue, it sucks because it looks like a badly written info-dumpy synopsis and serves no purpose. It's not better or worse; it's bad, but in a different way.
Here's a guide on writing synopsis.
Jay's Synopsis Formula will work on your novel.
This is actually an answer to an earlier thread, but it's best to share as a full thread. Why? Because it works. It does not matter if your story is slice of life about a GENDER-BENT BLOB OF ENERGY. My synopsis formula works. All you have to do is answer these FOUR QUESTIONS and you can create...forum.scribblehub.com
I looked up at four dictionaries, and though the spine and spike share the meaning, spine has another meaning. The first and main meaning of the word spine is "the line of bones down the centre of the back that provides support for the body and protects the spinal cord."
Personally, it confused me because I use spine solely in its first meaning. If you don't think other people will misunderstand this as well, don't change it.
Doesn't sound right to me, but do as you see fit. I'm not an editor or a good author.
That you are sleepy? I don't know. It's not something I volunteered to do. You are asking me for technical advice on writing\editing while I volunteered to provide a subjective opinion as a reader. Write that the eyes hadn't adjusted to the light, so a person teared up?
Then something like "This expensive medicine would remove almost every known toxin from the body\system" sounds better. Nearly remove looks weird.
I don't know; make this judgment call on your own.
I understood it without you pointing this out. The point I made was about this sentence being confusing and not looking good. Repetitions like that are not good.
Err, judging from what I saw, this sentence is probably riddled with mistakes, and I highly doubt those mistakes were intentional.
Perhaps i need to put in more work so that the reader has less imaginitive burden. As you said, you couldn't explain it to yourself.
I wanted them to be fairly civilized. Fighting with teeth and claws when weapons of war exist didn't make sense to me.
Maybe part of the issue is that the races are fairly similar in size? Thinking about huge dragons next to small skarsh was too much for me at the time. That would change all the scene spaces and the way characters interact with each other. And that's not really what i want to focus on.
Now I know the way you, or most feedback givers, focus on the bad stuff that needs improvement. But what about my story did you enjoy or think I did well? If any at all?