i'll kick your balls so high you'd reach heaven before you die
-
my brain feels less functional than my grandpa's liver and he intoxicated his dialysis machine
I was dating a half-Asian girl.
Her mother was Korean.
Her father was also Korean.
Her legs were ripped off in a car accident.
I have evolved into sphere man.
No longer will I be imprisoned in my cubic pen for eternity.
just hit a bong so hard I wrote this
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/54453/lie-again/
give it a shot
Movie Idea: Pedos of The Caribbean: Dead Child Tells No Tale
I told my wife I have a body of a 18 year old. She didn't believe me until she opened the freezer.
judge: do you have anything to say for yourself?
me, in for first-degree homicide: in my defense, the term "shotgun marriage" is ill-defined
Why do you have to be so dense! Can't you tell that I'm here because I want you to call me Rosy Whore again! That in addition to every creative and abusive variant you can conceive! This is frustrating.
Mitosis: *exists*
That one cancer cell that survived my chemotherapy:
"Dude, what did you do-"
Me: Lil' bitch was yappin' too much. Had to shut her up.
"Yeah but you didn't have to throat punch your sister-"
im biased against Yuri but ngl that shit is hot
I like how people preach that Hitler made the first anti-smoking campaign like yeah, that made sense. He saved 6 million jews from cigarettes by smoking them instead.
road work ahead?
they always ask me, how do I sit with these massive balls
Roses are red,
The band plays forever,
You don't recognize,
the bodies in the water.
We all know buses take 40% of the public transportation rate,
but do you know that 84% of buses are registered sex offenders?
[during sex]
Me: did you-
She (round the mountain): oh yeah
Ma, wheres the rope
Me:
Mirror me: You fat bald bastard you piece of subhuman trash two thousand years of constant human evolution to create a hairless fuck -
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