I told my wife I have a body of a 18 year old. She didn't believe me until she opened the freezer.
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judge: do you have anything to say for yourself?
me, in for first-degree homicide: in my defense, the term "shotgun marriage" is ill-defined
Why do you have to be so dense! Can't you tell that I'm here because I want you to call me Rosy Whore again! That in addition to every creative and abusive variant you can conceive! This is frustrating.
Mitosis: *exists*
That one cancer cell that survived my chemotherapy:
"Dude, what did you do-"
Me: Lil' bitch was yappin' too much. Had to shut her up.
"Yeah but you didn't have to throat punch your sister-"
im biased against Yuri but ngl that shit is hot
I like how people preach that Hitler made the first anti-smoking campaign like yeah, that made sense. He saved 6 million jews from cigarettes by smoking them instead.
road work ahead?
they always ask me, how do I sit with these massive balls
Roses are red,
The band plays forever,
You don't recognize,
the bodies in the water.
We all know buses take 40% of the public transportation rate,
but do you know that 84% of buses are registered sex offenders?
[during sex]
Me: did you-
She (round the mountain): oh yeah
Ma, wheres the rope
Me:
Mirror me: You fat bald bastard you piece of subhuman trash two thousand years of constant human evolution to create a hairless fuck
normies: masturbate
me: beat and yeet
people shouldn't be afraid of racism, they should be afraid of me
Do you remember,
The 21st night of September
Most of us don't like to write, we just like to have it written.
whaddup, I'm Jared, I'm 19
Bruh how do you get a title -
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