Just posted the first chapter of
my series, so uh yes I would appreciate some feedbacks please. (There's a prologue too; not entirely sure whether your "not the prologue" comment means you plan to skip that or just that you don't read stories consisting solely of prologues or what, but either way there's a proper first chapter in there too.)
Would not keep reading.
This one is close for me. There's quite a bit I liked here but then there were some problems that prevented me from enjoying that. You get right to it and what's going on is conceptually interesting, where you lose me is that I get to a point of saying what.
My first instance was a mechanical mistake where you talked about her moving out over the broken plexi glass. . . which you never established. All the sudden I think, oh okay, I guess that happened. But then that gave me pause to consider the entire situation. Who are these characters. What are these characters. Where are they. What is going on. There is a shocking lack of establishment and foundation. Even if the literal stuff going on is interesting, it's hard to be at all invested when you don't give context for anything.
The only context I had get was circumstantial by the end of it, and not in a clever way. An author could leave these clues and the reader play along. But it just felt like you forgot to give context.
I've just seen this and would love the chance to get such a mini review, if you have time, please do check it out, if not, oh well. Have a good day!
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/392939/water-dragons-daily-life/
Would not keep reading.
The prose is a bit off which isn't the biggest deal, but what got me was those transitions at the start of chapter 1. You have three povs and those swap all happen in what is the first page. It's very very confusing. It's also confusing because you don't keep it consistent. All the POV's have heading except the first one, so I didn't even realize the first pov was Rose.
And that first swap, barely a paragraph long. What is it? It doesn't contribute anything. I can only assume you needed some break for sections 1 and 3 becaues there was a huge shift in the scene setting. Which is weird in itself because what's the point of scene one then? It's all horribly confuisng.
Essentialy everything below "POV Rose" is your actual story. And that's fine I guess? Still a bit sloppy in execution for my tastes but it's cohesive. The most interesting part to me is the general positie reaction you've reaceived. To which I attribute the premise. For a story like this, having all these water themed monsters to turn into is novel. But any story can be good if executed well, a novel premise ("Novel") isn't enough for me to care if nothing else is lining up.