I see. Well, I suppose that certainly does explain the last-century thinking. Jin Yong (the writer of the series Dugu Qiubai is from) was a writer of the last century.
Yeah, ever since webnovels opened the field to people with real martial arts experience, thoughts on what makes an effective combatant have been evolving fast. For around 10 or so years from the mid 90s to the mid 2000s, people had transitioned from thinking it's all about strength to thinking it's all about speed. This was the way of thinking as manga artists and people of that type were trying to stand out.
It was webnovels and the real broad scope of people that started writing, including people with experience in fighting games as well as people with real martial arts experience, that the true power of predictive forecasting ability (the ability to read your opponent) began to become understood by the fictional world for it's true power as the mightiest skill to have.
Actually, as someone who has been in the martial arts since I was 7 years old, I actually find it kinda strange it took this long for it to become better known. But then, I am a little out of touch with the mind-set of the general populous on the subject. It is just something that has always seemed obvious to me due to actually having a lot of experience in sparing.
Here's the true order of abilities that will determine the winner of a fight in descending order of importance.
1. Reach. The reach of your weapon is the #1 thing that will tilt your advantage in a fight. I am tall and have long legs, it makes me a nightmare to spar against.
2. Ability to read your opponent. This can overcome any other disadvantage you may have in any area, including reach. However, overcoming a reach advantage is the hardest to compensate for by a long shot, thus why this one is below reach in the order of importance.
3. Intuition/Experience. I place these two on the same rank because intuition is something that comes from and is nurtured by experience. In fact, it is the most important skill that comes from experience. It allows you to plan around and adapt to any tactic your opponent may use against you.
4. Initiative/brazenness. To quote your line, "who throws the first punch" actually does make a difference. The truth is though, who throws the first punch has nothing at all to do with speed. It has everything to do with who can take the initiative to actually throw that punch. This is all a matter of mind-set. You do need the intuition, experience, and ability to read your opponent to make certain your "first punch" is not easily parried though.
5. Stamina. If it comes down to a battle of attrition, you are going to want to be the one with more stamina. It DOES come down to a battle of attrition a lot more often than you would think.
6. Parrying or Grapling technique. When you have all the above abilities working for you, there is a good chance you are going to get into a clinch or bind with your opponent. A person who has superior technique or skill in the ability to re-direct force will come out on top in such an encounter.
7. Condition. Everything from whether or not you are in good health, to whether or not your joints move well. You will have a hard time fighting if you are arthritic. However, these things can be compensated for by all the above capabilities. The reason I put this on this exact place on the list is because everything above this can compensate for a body in bad condition. However, everything below this are the things that will fail you first when your body goes bad. Any injury or negative condition will harshly negatively impact the items below this one on the list.
8. Strength. If your parrying or grappling technique is roughly equal to your opponent's, you can simply overpower them if you are stronger.
9. Speed. Yes, in a real martial arts fight, speed is actually the least important. It is not completely unimportant, but you would be surprised at how little difference it actually does make in a real fight. Speed is only any good when the speed difference is extreme and exceeds 5X the speed of the opponent. (Of course, IRL, this kind of speed difference is completely impossible. Video games though have been able to show us it is around a 5X speed difference that the higher items on this list can no longer easily compensate for.) Worse yet, speed demands a LOT more of your precious stamina than simple strength does. Speed is a very bad thing to rely on if it comes down to a battle of attrition, and should only be your method if you really feel you have the ability to finish the fight immediately.