Monkey's Paw

[tiaf]

Granted, but it get burned up the next day.

I wish I could kill off my inner fudanshi.

Granted, but you will have one friend less.

I wish you would write the ASH story.

 

[HURGMCGURG]

Granted, but you will have one friend less.

I wish you would write the ASH story.

Granted, but it switches genres to seinen.

I wish I had a haircut.

 

[BlueDream]

Granted, but it switches genres to seinen.

I wish I had a haircut.

Granted, the haircut happens to shave your entire head bald.

I wish I could teleport anywhere I want

 

[HURGMCGURG]

Granted, the haircut happens to shave your entire head bald.

I wish I could teleport anywhere I want

Jokes on you, I'm okay with going bald.

Granted, but you don't switch places with whatever is there, meaning you teleport somewhere and your body is in the same place as air, killing you instantly as you burst from the pressure.

I wish I was loved.

 

[Yorda]

Jokes on you, I'm okay with going bald.

Granted, but you don't switch places with whatever is there, meaning you teleport somewhere and your body is in the same place as air, killing you instantly as you burst from the pressure.

I wish I was loved.

Granted, but the one who loves you is a non-human yandere who prefers you with more seasoning than usual.

I wish I was a cyborg capable of space travel and self-induced, controlled evolution as I travel faster than light wherever I feel like.

 

[BenJepheneT]

Granted, but the one who loves you is a non-human yandere who prefers you with more seasoning than usual.

I wish I was a cyborg capable of space travel and self-induced, controlled evolution as I travel faster than light wherever I feel like.

Granted it runs on 60 AA batteries.

I wish I was a tripod.

 

[HURGMCGURG]

Granted it runs on 60 AA batteries.

I wish I was a tripod.

Granted. You are now a tripod. The only problem is that you are used to hold up a camera that films gay pornos.

I wish I had a turkey sandwich.

 

[tiaf]

Granted. You are now a tripod. The only problem is that you are used to hold up a camera that films gay pornos.

I wish I had a turkey sandwich.

Granted, but it's too salty.

I wish my mouth wouldn't hurt.

 

[HURGMCGURG]

Granted, but it's too salty.

I wish my mouth wouldn't hurt.

Granted, but it's because you do not have a mouth anymore.

I wish I wasn't sick right now.

 

[BenJepheneT]

Granted, but it's because you do not have a mouth anymore.

I wish I wasn't sick right now.

Granted now you're dead.

I wish I was dead right now.

 

[HURGMCGURG]

Granted now you're dead.

I wish I was dead right now.

Granted, but it was because your heart stopped. The doctors brought you back.

I wish the girls would stop escaping the basement.

 

[Zoey]

Granted, but it was because your heart stopped. The doctors brought you back.

I wish the girls would stop escaping the basement.

Granted, but a local wizard turned them into little boys.

I wish my first anime wasn't sword art online.

 

[tiaf]

Granted, but a local wizard turned them into little boys.

I wish my first anime wasn't sword art online.

Granted, but your first anime is Lady Oscar instead.

I wish I had more motivation.

 

[BlueDream]

Granted, but your first anime is Lady Oscar instead.

I wish I had more motivation.

Granted, you have more motivation to procrastinate.

I wish I can travel the world and not have anything stand in my way.

 

[Yorda]

Granted, you have more motivation to procrastinate.

I wish I can travel the world and not have anything stand in my way.

Granted. Everything in the world has been knocked over and flattened. Now nothing will stand in the way of your travels.

I wish I was more villainous.

 

[BenJepheneT]

Granted. Everything in the world has been knocked over and flattened. Now nothing will stand in the way of your travels.

I wish I was more villainous.

Granted, now you evade tax.

I wish I was more villainous.

 

[BlueDream]

Granted, now you evade tax.

I wish I was more villainous.

Granted, you now evade tax, but unlike @Yorda you are actually bad at it and get caught and placed in jail. Then you get tortured and killed in jail by a few people you betrayed in the past.

I wish I was more villainous and smarter.

 

[Yorda]

Granted, you now evade tax, but unlike @Yorda you are actually bad at it and get caught and placed in jail. Then you get tortured and killed in jail by a few people you betrayed in the past.

I wish I was more villainous and smarter.

Granted, but you are now a villainous foil to a sickening Mary Sue heroine that is terribly annoying and unfairly gets the easy road in life. (Foil [noun] - a person or thing that contrasts with and so emphasizes and enhances the qualities of another.)

I wish I was morerer villainousnous and smarterer.

 

[BenJepheneT]

Granted, but you are now a villainous foil to a sickening Mary Sue heroine that is terribly annoying and unfairly gets the easy road in life. (Foil [noun] - a person or thing that contrasts with and so emphasizes and enhances the qualities of another.)

I wish I was morerer villainousnous and smarterer.

Granted, now you're Steve Jobs.

I wish I was an apple.

 

[Zoey]

Granted, now you're Steve Jobs.

I wish I was an apple.

Granted, you are now an apple in Walmart doomed to be thrown away by a child who doesn't want to eat fruit.

I wish I was Apple.