The rudest person fits well, but I'm the rudest dinosaur here. Hope we get along! Anyway, I'm curious about what you have to say about my story, I'll leave the link below. You can reply here.
Nina is a young priestess that just started her journey in the Highlands, in a faraway land. But everything falls apart when greater forces are scheming and unknown men are suddenly after her. She will have no choice but to resort to her wits, trust unexpected allies, and navigate her...
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Hard to read.
Boring, uninteresting synopsis. It's as if you followed the guide to make a synopsis, but it has cost you your individuality.
The plot itself is boring. Reading through the synopsis and prologue, I haven't seen anything new and interesting. Fine, maybe chapters 1 and 2 will help the story and start showing something new? Nope, I got a shit load of info dumps that are boring. Now, I won't lie. I actually like info dumps, but when they are interesting and mixed up with something, like a dialogue, a monologue, descriptions, something. You did it, but there is another problem with your info dumps. You focused your attention on different things, while there were things I wanted to actually learn, and they were left unattended. And it bored me.
Worldbuilding and personalities are inconsistent from the few chapters I've read. Like, who are the highlanders? Why do they seem like a very advanced society(relatively) instead of barbarians, and then you say they are barbarians, and then you say they are not. I wanted to actually read about it rather than warrior or priest things.
Personalities, prologue where the MC runs away while thinking and the way she reacts to things is inconsistent. She is running for her life, apparently scared, and then she curses. In my understanding, as a reader, it implies she is irritated. A quick explanation of how I see things. If you've written that she cursed her bad luck or she desperately moaned with a tear-stricken face, I would've thought she was scared. (It's not advice) There were a couple more inconsistencies in MC's and her mentor's behavior, but I won't go into too many details. Just know that it kind of confused me as a reader.
Now, oh boy, the way you write. It's a mess. Almost all of Grey Cat's Lost Solace paragraphs were one sentence long. Your story is the opposite. Huge paragraphs going on and on about something makes it a chore to read. The RARE one-sentence paragraphs don't help and instead look like boards drifting across the sea.
The dialogues are bad, really bad. She said, he said, she replied, he replied. Even when there is no need to mention who said something, you still do it. There are two people talking, only two, and you established WHO is talking, yet you still mention it. After reading the dialogue while skipping those 'she said, he said,' and then rereading them fully I've understood that those she\he said are literally useless 90% of the time. ALSO, you aren't including mannerisms or any kind of movements.
Example.
-“I was stupid enough to fall for the only one who didn't” Verkan replied, regretfully reminiscing old times.
Why is there no movement of his eyebrows as he reminisces regretfully? Maybe his eye glistens? His nose is furrowed? Something? Anything?
She\he said always comes in the end, and it adds to the monotonous way of your writing and bores me even more. I didn't read past chapter 2, but I did look at the dialogues in later chapters, and they do look a bit better, but all the things I've said are still present.
In combination with the mentioned problems, the length of the chapters is a detriment. As a reader of web novels, I come to read web novels. I expect that I can finish a chapter in ten or so minutes on my phone and exhale. I can make an exception, but only if the novel is interesting. And yours was not.
Now, you might think that I bash your work because it's a gimmick or something, but I'm not. If I had something positive to say, I would love to, but unfortunately, your work doesn't have any(for me). I guess I can mention that the grammar was okay. As usual, I didn't rate your story. But if I had to, 2-2.5 stars. And lastly, I am a reader, and my opinion was, is, and will be subjective.
