Yet another free feedback thread.

[SailusGebel]

Im planning to rewrite this one day, but have fun bashing it so ik how much i fked up this story :')

I, Death, will save this world [old]

Rewrite version: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/581270/i-death-will-save-this-world-rewrite/ Life had all but been annihilated on Earth after the start of the apocalypse. Among an unlikely group of young people desperate to live on is a mysterious girl named Mori, whose body feels cold as a...

www.scribblehub.com

(you can reply here idm)

I don't enjoy bashing other people's works. It's the opposite. I don't like doing this, as I started this thread to find something to read. I'm not angry whenever I find that the novel I currently review is bad(in my opinion), nor am I eager to bash other people's work. I'm disappointed, bored, and sad that I have nothing to read.

Usually, I would've skipped your novel as the combination of your tags and synopsis doesn't interest me. But as I give feedback from a reader's perspective, consider that I randomly picked your novel and decided to give it a chance. I stopped reading after finishing chapter 5.

With that out of the way, I will give you my feedback.

The way you write is okay. It's not great because I noticed two flaws, weird phrases and a lack of descriptions and details. English is my second language, and the most important thing for me is to understand what I read.

Examples of weird phrases.
It had a humanoid body—no doubt created in the image of mankind—but instead of limbs, a writhing mass of tendrils dripped from every orifice along its scale-like skin. Tendrils can drip?

My chest tightened uncomfortably and my vision blurred with a strange liquid. I understand that she talks about tears, but the sentence is phrased weirdly.

She dug her hand into her pockets and laughed embarrassedly. “I see, that’s right, right?” Right-right?

Swiftly I brought down my scythe and pierced it apart. Did she use a scythe to pierce something apart?

Now, the last sentence could've been exempted from being weird. That's where lack of descriptions and details comes into play. The scythe is dark and long. This is what I got. I understand that scythe can pierce something, but pierce something apart? Without additional descriptions, I am forced to think that scythe can slash or sever something apart, not pierce.

There are a couple more examples, like, how does the hut where the group hides look? The actual descriptions of devastation?

Other than that, the way you write is okay.

About plot and characters. The problems with your plot and characters are interconnected, so I won't separate the two.

There is no tension. It's an apocalypse with almost all people dead, and monsters roaming everywhere. And it just doesn't feel like an apocalypse at all. And the problem here lies not only in lacking descriptions but mostly in how your characters act.

Seven days ago, massive hordes of nightmarish monsters suddenly spawned on the surface of Earth. No country could withstand their rampage and every civilization soon collapsed into waste. So, everyone should be tense and despaired. HOWEVER, what do we get in reality?

I blinked, but before I could come up with a reply, Ave exclaimed loudly. Excuse me? There might be monsters around, but he just shouts?

“Huh, but I’m too lazy to move…” Gee reluctantly dragged herself and some blankets. Lazy? Excuse me?

“I suppose,” Nico said with a carefree shrug. Carefree in an apocalypse?

“There’s a cafeteria, convenience store, and plenty of vending machines on campus,” Nico said. “There’s showers available too, so—”
“Alright, I’m sold. Let’s set off right now.” Gee was about to reach for the door handle when Ave stopped her with a hand on her arm. So, somehow her fear flies away when she hears about showers?

And later on, the same girl does what? “Where the hell did you go?” she practically yelled in his face while grabbing his collar. “Don’t you know how dangerous it is to go out there alone?!” Where's the logic behind her action?

Now, let's talk about a HUGE plothole.

“We were saved by Mori while we were trying to escape from our school,” Ave spoke up instantly.

“Your school’s across the river, you know,” she said. “Even if we want to stay hidden, there’s no way we’re crossing that undetected.”

“The subway…huh, that could work.” He checked the map and nodded his head. “There’s a subway station right outside our school, so we can just follow the tracks there. I’m just worried that it’d be too dark to see anything, though.”

“No, there’s a bigger problem than that.” Ave circled a bridge on the map. “The bridge is destroyed by the monsters, so we’ll have to swim across the river.”

“I did come up with some in my sleep, but…” He shrugged and ran his fingers through his tousled chestnut-brown hair. “Frankly, it will be much easier if I have a map on hand.”

So, apparently, students don't know their surroundings. They know that the bridge is destroyed, but they didn't know there was a subway station right outside their school. Excuse me? I can understand that there is such a thing as topographical disorientation but having both Nico and Ave, two people having it, this I simply can't believe.

And it's the reason why I said that plot and characters are interconnected. Is it badly written characters who don't act the way they should? Or is it a plothole? Maybe it's a worldbuilding problem?

Another plothole or an example of bad worldbuilding. They are in a city, but they somehow found a HUT to hide instead of a room in a condominium or a hotel. Why? How? There is no description of the city, so if I use my city as an example, you simply can't find a freaking hut. Everywhere around me are high-rise apartment buildings.

The mc didn't have enough presence to say anything about her yet. And it means that the feedback is over.

As usual, I didn't rate your story. But if I had to, 3.25 stars. -0.75 stars for weird plotholes, and -1 for weird sentences and lack of description. For you and other authors who might think that the rating is somewhat high when compared with others. The way a person writes is more important than the actual plot for me. I'm a reader, and it's my own subjective taste. The way you write is okay. It was easy to read, and I didn't feel like I was forcing myself, thus a higher rating.

 

[patbateman123x]

i'd appreciate any feedback too .I used to write like 4 5 chapters a week but i haven't written for a while ever since my exams begun and then i got a ps5 lol and now I've just been slacking off

Breaking the Masquerade

Join our MC as he navigates through highschool as he comes to terms with his past and his inner demons . He is blunt , sarcastic ,charismatic , loves his gentleman talk , doesn't shy away from teasing the ladies and he bitch slaps people that have it coming. But under all the farce...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[killwrites]

I don't enjoy bashing other people's works. It's the opposite. I don't like doing this, as I started this thread to find something to read. I'm not angry whenever I find that the novel I currently review is bad(in my opinion), nor am I eager to bash other people's work. I'm disappointed, bored, and sad that I have nothing to read.

Usually, I would've skipped your novel as the combination of your tags and synopsis doesn't interest me. But as I give feedback from a reader's perspective, consider that I randomly picked your novel and decided to give it a chance. I stopped reading after finishing chapter 5.

With that out of the way, I will give you my feedback.

The way you write is okay. It's not great because I noticed two flaws, weird phrases and a lack of descriptions and details. English is my second language, and the most important thing for me is to understand what I read.

Examples of weird phrases.
It had a humanoid body—no doubt created in the image of mankind—but instead of limbs, a writhing mass of tendrils dripped from every orifice along its scale-like skin. Tendrils can drip?

My chest tightened uncomfortably and my vision blurred with a strange liquid. I understand that she talks about tears, but the sentence is phrased weirdly.

She dug her hand into her pockets and laughed embarrassedly. “I see, that’s right, right?” Right-right?

Swiftly I brought down my scythe and pierced it apart. Did she use a scythe to pierce something apart?

Now, the last sentence could've been exempted from being weird. That's where lack of descriptions and details comes into play. The scythe is dark and long. This is what I got. I understand that scythe can pierce something, but pierce something apart? Without additional descriptions, I am forced to think that scythe can slash or sever something apart, not pierce.

There are a couple more examples, like, how does the hut where the group hides look? The actual descriptions of devastation?

Other than that, the way you write is okay.

About plot and characters. The problems with your plot and characters are interconnected, so I won't separate the two.

There is no tension. It's an apocalypse with almost all people dead, and monsters roaming everywhere. And it just doesn't feel like an apocalypse at all. And the problem here lies not only in lacking descriptions but mostly in how your characters act.

Seven days ago, massive hordes of nightmarish monsters suddenly spawned on the surface of Earth. No country could withstand their rampage and every civilization soon collapsed into waste. So, everyone should be tense and despaired. HOWEVER, what do we get in reality?

I blinked, but before I could come up with a reply, Ave exclaimed loudly. Excuse me? There might be monsters around, but he just shouts?

“Huh, but I’m too lazy to move…” Gee reluctantly dragged herself and some blankets. Lazy? Excuse me?

“I suppose,” Nico said with a carefree shrug. Carefree in an apocalypse?

“There’s a cafeteria, convenience store, and plenty of vending machines on campus,” Nico said. “There’s showers available too, so—”
“Alright, I’m sold. Let’s set off right now.” Gee was about to reach for the door handle when Ave stopped her with a hand on her arm. So, somehow her fear flies away when she hears about showers?

And later on, the same girl does what? “Where the hell did you go?” she practically yelled in his face while grabbing his collar. “Don’t you know how dangerous it is to go out there alone?!” Where's the logic behind her action?

Now, let's talk about a HUGE plothole.

“We were saved by Mori while we were trying to escape from our school,” Ave spoke up instantly.

“Your school’s across the river, you know,” she said. “Even if we want to stay hidden, there’s no way we’re crossing that undetected.”

“The subway…huh, that could work.” He checked the map and nodded his head. “There’s a subway station right outside our school, so we can just follow the tracks there. I’m just worried that it’d be too dark to see anything, though.”

“No, there’s a bigger problem than that.” Ave circled a bridge on the map. “The bridge is destroyed by the monsters, so we’ll have to swim across the river.”

“I did come up with some in my sleep, but…” He shrugged and ran his fingers through his tousled chestnut-brown hair. “Frankly, it will be much easier if I have a map on hand.”

So, apparently, students don't know their surroundings. They know that the bridge is destroyed, but they didn't know there was a subway station right outside their school. Excuse me? I can understand that there is such a thing as topographical disorientation but having both Nico and Ave, two people having it, this I simply can't believe.

And it's the reason why I said that plot and characters are interconnected. Is it badly written characters who don't act the way they should? Or is it a plothole? Maybe it's a worldbuilding problem?

Another plothole or an example of bad worldbuilding. They are in a city, but they somehow found a HUT to hide instead of a room in a condominium or a hotel. Why? How? There is no description of the city, so if I use my city as an example, you simply can't find a freaking hut. Everywhere around me are high-rise apartment buildings.

The mc didn't have enough presence to say anything about her yet. And it means that the feedback is over.

As usual, I didn't rate your story. But if I had to, 3.25 stars. -0.75 stars for weird plotholes, and -1 for weird sentences and lack of description. For you and other authors who might think that the rating is somewhat high when compared with others. The way a person writes is more important than the actual plot for me. I'm a reader, and it's my own subjective taste. The way you write is okay. It was easy to read, and I didn't feel like I was forcing myself, thus a higher rating.

This is so much more detailed than I was expecting, so consider me shook. You're right, there is a lot of logical issues (both character, plot and the world itself) with the story in its current state, so i have plans to rewrite it if i have the time in future. Thank you for giving my story a chance and providing your valuable feedback!!

 

[SailusGebel]

Cool, I guess?

The girl who liked to collect everything

Mai was a girl who would hoard everything in her house, she also had a habit of using the bare minimum to do the job. Like when she was hungry, she would never go and buy food. Instead, she leeched on others’ meals. But all that does not matter anymore...

www.scribblehub.com

This is just a practice piece of writing and I am only planning on writing at most 3 more chapters and then calling it finished. Due to being a practice piece, you can bash it however you want and then I can have a good reason to do scrap it or do a serious rewrite.
You can post your review here.

Thank you, have a nice day/noon/night.

Strange.

I perceive your work as an absurd comedy. I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do, so I'm currently confused. If it's an absurd comedy, I can probably ignore some mistakes. But it wasn't funny even once, so maybe it was intended to be serious work, but with occasional jokes?
That's why I will restrict the things I mention to neutral ones that won't change regardless of how I perceive your novel. Also, I stopped reading after finishing chapter 4.

English is my second language, and I should understand the text to appreciate the plot, characters, etc. Furthermore, the way an author writes is important for me when I decide to read something. And I don't like the way you write.

I can't quite grasp the problem, but I feel like it stems from the fact that your sentences and phrases are worded weirdly. And I don't understand if it's intentional or it is full of mistakes because it's a practice piece.

Examples. buying their stuff and minding their things. Minding their business?

the amount didn’t even fill two gulps of water Weird phrase.

I’m not going to spit out a thing in my collection. Weird phrase.

“Oh… come one, go ahead if you’re that confident.” Typo?

Walked out a few covers on the street were twenty men, all of them holding guns. Typo or another weird phrasing?

He was riding the horses and wearing more normal-looking clothes to her. ?

They had a human figure, but short, but with green skin, but have pointy ears. Was it intentional?

These examples I mentioned are probably legit mistakes, but even without them, your text is just weird. My grammar is shit, and the possible mistakes I've shown in examples don't bother me as much. What bothers me is that it's hard for me to understand what you mean. It's not to the point where I would say that it's unintelligible, but it was hard to read.

There are almost no details and descriptions. To illustrate what I mean, here is an example.
“How… can you heal by eating?”
“I’m not so sure. I discovered this ability a while back. Is it normal?”
“Not at all. If the alchemists or healers discover that you can heal by eating, I don’t know what would happen to you.”
“Heh… They can come at me if they want; I’ll give them a few punches.” Mai put all of the wolves’ corpses into her <Inventory>. “Should we continue?”
“Okay then, convenient skill you got, by the way.”

What I find wrong here is the fact that there are no emotions shown. Another problem is that you can't tell who is talking to the MC. While it is obvious that one of the adventurers talk to her, I can't understand who it is. Now back to emotions.

Unnamed adventurer says. “How… can you heal by eating?” This adventurer is probably amazed here, right? Are there any indications in the text?

Unnamed adventurer says. “Not at all. If the alchemists or healers discover that you can heal by eating, I don’t know what would happen to you.” This adventurer is scared here, right? Because he\she recalls or imagines what can happen. Are there any indications in the text?

Unnamed adventurer says. “Okay then, convenient skill you got, by the way.” No comments. He\she is probably scared, and then in a second he\she thinks it's okay.

Another example.
The story after that was simple enough. She did some chop-chop. When the ax broke, she would get back and take another one. The ax won't break as easily. But let's assume I'm wrong. You could've described why the ax would break easily, but you didn't. And all of your novel is like that. You only narrate what MC does without writing any details to help me understand the story.

I can't give you proper feedback about the plot and mc. As I said, even though I don't find your story funny at all, I perceive your story as a comedy. And because I perceive it that way, I can't asses it as I usually do.

As usual, I didn't rate your story. Even if I had to, I don't know how to rate it. It was difficult to read nothing. For the third time, I felt like I was reading comedy, and I just can't shake this feeling off. And despite it being a comedy, it wasn't funny, it was hard to read, and there was nothing in it. The grammar wasn't atrocious, but it was remarkably weird. It's not 1, but it's not 1.25 either. I guess a 1.5, maybe 1.75, is your story's rating from me.

 

[Nhatduongg]

Strange.

I perceive your work as an absurd comedy. I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do, so I'm currently confused. If it's an absurd comedy, I can probably ignore some mistakes. But it wasn't funny even once, so maybe it was intended to be serious work, but with occasional jokes?
That's why I will restrict the things I mention to neutral ones that won't change regardless of how I perceive your novel. Also, I stopped reading after finishing chapter 4.

English is my second language, and I should understand the text to appreciate the plot, characters, etc. Furthermore, the way an author writes is important for me when I decide to read something. And I don't like the way you write.

I can't quite grasp the problem, but I feel like it stems from the fact that your sentences and phrases are worded weirdly. And I don't understand if it's intentional or it is full of mistakes because it's a practice piece.

Examples. buying their stuff and minding their things. Minding their business?

the amount didn’t even fill two gulps of water Weird phrase.

I’m not going to spit out a thing in my collection. Weird phrase.

“Oh… come one, go ahead if you’re that confident.” Typo?

Walked out a few covers on the street were twenty men, all of them holding guns. Typo or another weird phrasing?

He was riding the horses and wearing more normal-looking clothes to her. ?

They had a human figure, but short, but with green skin, but have pointy ears. Was it intentional?

These examples I mentioned are probably legit mistakes, but even without them, your text is just weird. My grammar is shit, and the possible mistakes I've shown in examples don't bother me as much. What bothers me is that it's hard for me to understand what you mean. It's not to the point where I would say that it's unintelligible, but it was hard to read.

There are almost no details and descriptions. To illustrate what I mean, here is an example.
“How… can you heal by eating?”
“I’m not so sure. I discovered this ability a while back. Is it normal?”
“Not at all. If the alchemists or healers discover that you can heal by eating, I don’t know what would happen to you.”
“Heh… They can come at me if they want; I’ll give them a few punches.” Mai put all of the wolves’ corpses into her <Inventory>. “Should we continue?”
“Okay then, convenient skill you got, by the way.”

What I find wrong here is the fact that there are no emotions shown. Another problem is that you can't tell who is talking to the MC. While it is obvious that one of the adventurers talk to her, I can't understand who it is. Now back to emotions.

Unnamed adventurer says. “How… can you heal by eating?” This adventurer is probably amazed here, right? Are there any indications in the text?

Unnamed adventurer says. “Not at all. If the alchemists or healers discover that you can heal by eating, I don’t know what would happen to you.” This adventurer is scared here, right? Because he\she recalls or imagines what can happen. Are there any indications in the text?

Unnamed adventurer says. “Okay then, convenient skill you got, by the way.” No comments. He\she is probably scared, and then in a second he\she thinks it's okay.

Another example.
The story after that was simple enough. She did some chop-chop. When the ax broke, she would get back and take another one. The ax won't break as easily. But let's assume I'm wrong. You could've described why the ax would break easily, but you didn't. And all of your novel is like that. You only narrate what MC does without writing any details to help me understand the story.

I can't give you proper feedback about the plot and mc. As I said, even though I don't find your story funny at all, I perceive your story as a comedy. And because I perceive it that way, I can't asses it as I usually do.

As usual, I didn't rate your story. Even if I had to, I don't know how to rate it. It was difficult to read nothing. For the third time, I felt like I was reading comedy, and I just can't shake this feeling off. And despite it being a comedy, it wasn't funny, it was hard to read, and there was nothing in it. The grammar wasn't atrocious, but it was remarkably weird. It's not 1, but it's not 1.25 either. I guess a 1.5, maybe 1.75, is your story's rating from me.

Well thanks for giving me the motivation to start writing another story.

 

[TheEldritchGod]

I won't read three genres; GL(girls love\yuri), BL(boys love\yaoi), and GB(gender bender).

Heh...

Flip The Script

Ever read the world of moral reversal? Well, I had way too many unanswered questions. I got bored and started trying to answer them. Basically for those who don't know. It's a world where the morality of men and women are flipped. Not strictly gender rolls, but sexuality. Men are...

www.scribblehub.com

It isn't gender bent. I bent the entire universe and kept the people normal. So technically you'll review it, right?

 

[ToushiroYA]

I'd love to get some feedback from you if possible, the response can be in this thread. Please don't mind how few chapters there are.

Reincarnated as a Camera: I Will Build up a Worldly Portfolio

When I recovered my consciousness, I didn't know where I was or why I was there, but I found out right after that that I wasn't human anymore. I hoped that I had, at the very least, become something cool and durable. So, what is this? I can't move myself,...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[SailusGebel]

Heh...

Flip The Script

Ever read the world of moral reversal? Well, I had way too many unanswered questions. I got bored and started trying to answer them. Basically for those who don't know. It's a world where the morality of men and women are flipped. Not strictly gender rolls, but sexuality. Men are...

www.scribblehub.com

It isn't gender bent. I bent the entire universe and kept the people normal. So technically you'll review it, right?

Whether I will review it or not depends on your answer to the following question. Will your MC change gender(s)? If you won't answer or try to 'not spoil,' I will ignore your request.

And while we are at it, I will ask you another question that won't affect my decision. Are you Japanese?

 

[SailusGebel]

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/487974/wondering-through-the-stars/

I am waiting for my cover to be approved. I am rewriting my chapters, so if you find a difference in writing, that's where I am right now. Please leave a review!

Hey @MatildasBT , it's your turn for the feedback. I remind you that it's feedback from a reader, and I will be blunt. I didn't read the epilogue, but I've finished all the available chapters(4 chapters). I also didn't notice any difference in the writing.

Now to your story.

Generic, boring, and badly written.

There isn't much to talk about actually. And even fewer things that I can pick and show you as examples. It was hard to read, but unlike other novels I've reviewed, your not-so-good writing wasn't the main reason. It was your generic plot. Despite reading less than when I reviewed other stories, I was losing focus more frequently.

What is so bad about the plot. I don't know how to phrase it without repeating and rephrasing the same thing over and over again. Well, it's subjective, but I guess the main reason is that it didn't stand out in the slightest. Even the synopsis is telling me that the story is generic. There is no incentive for me to keep reading as there is no desire to find out what would happen. So, yeah, a generic and boring story without anything unique to it.

Your writing doesn't help at all. I actually don't mind a generic story, but the thing is, if a story is generic, the author should write it really well, in my opinion. You didn't write it well.

Besides the tenses problems.
Example. I put the bowl down and crawl back to the half-made bed that I have built earlier. I threw myself on it while facing the ceiling.

Weird phrases.
Example. a slightly freezing current of air.

Typos.
Example. Exited, I start mentioning as many countries as I can.

There is also a lack of descriptions, lack of details, and lack of inner monologues to let us bond with the mc and build his personality.
Mentioned issues cause problems such as inconsistencies. In chapter two, it's already dark outside, and the MC looks through the window. In chapter three, the MC manages to catch every little detail even though it's dark outside. How?

The mood swing in chapter three isn't relatable or understandable because you didn't add details, nor did you build enough of a personality prior to this. It leaves us with a stupid imbecile who snaps at someone without a reason.

Yes, the personality of the MC makes him look like he is brain-dead stupid. I don't buy that the MC has troubles with memories or something like that. Not with what I was given in the story. I don't know what else to add, so I will end the feedback here.

As usual, I didn't rate your story. But if I had to, 2 stars. Even though I said your story is badly written, it's not AS bad. It's mostly the plot that turned me off from the story.

 

[CrazyKid21]

Let’s go!
Also, I want my feedback on this thread.

 

[SailusGebel]

Okay, okay, okay. I shall prepare my writerly anus (my story) for your readerly penis (your bashing).

Villainess, Retry!

[Volume 1] Rosalie Edgeworth: the queen bee of Lassen Academy and Janet Fleming’s two-faced nemesis. Why does the school seem to revolve around Rosalie? How can Prince Blaise not see her for the bitch she really is? And why won’t the Prince even listen to Janet’s side of...

www.scribblehub.com

Post it here. Let's get it on!

Good day to you. Before I start with the feedback, I would mention that English is my second language. I stopped reading after finishing chapter Red Pill 4: Visions, Deaths.

Now about the feedback. I think that there are make-or-break moments in novels. Either you get hooked and want to learn what's coming, or drop it. Your chapter 5(4 if you don't count the prologue) made me drop the story. It's not like I was enjoying your novel prior to it, but I kept giving it a chance to answer my questions. Unfortunately, I had none.

I will start with the way you write. I don't like it, and I think it's bad.

You use words I've either never heard of or seen once, at most twice in my life. However, is it a drawback? Well, yes, yes it is. You phrase your sentences weirdly a lot of the time, and those sentences are freaking HUGE. Because of this, I can't understand if this or that is a typo, a mistake, or something intended?

Examples.
Moments passed in silence. Moments? It sounds weird.

a water basin full of water This is weirdly phrased.

a national treasure-grade magical artifact. Again, weirdly phrased part of a sentence.

So she pushed the doors open and entered a large homeroom with a coffered ceiling and tall windows letting in the daylight and floating lanterns illuminating the rest of the classroom.
And this, and that, and those. It's hard for me to keep everything in my head. I am forced to reread such sentences to understand everything, and there are a lot of similar sentences in the text.

Then she went over and opened the armoire full of hanging nightgowns and tea gowns and ball gowns, running her hands along the floor of the armoire beneath the hems of her dresses, but found no ring whatsoever.
Same problem here.

Till Janet fell from her bed amidst a tangle of bedsheets and bed curtains and the hems of her nightgown and hit her shower-capped head on the floor.
Same problem.

“God, I hope you’re right, your Majesty,” the Marquess said. “None of us want our sins to fall on the lives of our children,” and he stalked towards the double doors and pulled them open and left the room.
Again, the same problem.

And there are a lot of weird, long sentences, with words I've never seen before. I google the word, and then I forget where I was because your sentences are as long as a whole paragraph. Because of this, I end up rereading the entire sentence. It's hard to read, and I lose my focus a lot. It's great that you try to describe things, and I like it, but I can't fully appreciate it when I'm fighting to simply understand everything.

Your dialogues are bad.

Chapter [V1] Red Pill [0]: Clones, Secrets.

“What did she say?” Conner said.
“She denied everything, of course,” he said.
“I know,” Conner said.
“Did he tell you?” Arnold said.
Conner shook his head and said, “I’ve found out through different means.”
“And those are?” Arnold said.
“Come with me,” he said, “and I’ll show you.”
Both men stood up from the table, and the Marquess said, “Where to?”

I didn't pick single phrases and compiled them into this. I simply copied a part of the whole dialogue. Have you noticed something? Because I did. In 95% of dialogue lines, someone said something.

Chapter (V4) Red Pill 16: Precautions, Agreements

“Wait,” Janet said.
“What is it?” DeeDee said.
“I want to help you,” Janet said.
“That’s not necessary,” DeeDee said, “but thank you.”
“Yes, it is necessary,” she said. “There are a lot of rooms in this house, so I want to make myself useful. I don’t wanna sit around like I’ve been doing.”
DeeDee put her hands to her hips and said, “Don’t you have homework? And I’m sure you have make-up work, as well, because you missed your classes yesterday.”
Janet looked down at her book bag beside her on the display case and deflated, saying, “Fine, have it your way.”
“That’s a good girl,” DeeDee said. “Now, if you will excuse me,” and she exited the room and had a little chat with Sir Abram and John Day before walking off down the hallway in search of old furniture, her footfalls echoing away.

Btw, the last sentence once again has a neverending stream of the word and. Which means you probably didn't fix it. And obviously, you didn't fix your dialogues. Is there a reason to constantly mention that someone SAID something? Why can't I, like, read what they are doing? And when you do mention they did something, you end up adding SAID anyway. Why?

I value readability above else, and in my opinion, you failed here. Btw, even your synopsis was hard to understand. I had to reread it three times.

About plot, worldbuilding, and characters.

There are a lot of things I found wrong, but I don't know how to start. I think I will start by mentioning a small plothole or a typo.

Chapter (V1) Red Pill 1: Dreams, Vixens

“All right, I believe you,” Susan said and got up and walked out of the room, leaving the double doors ajar.
After they left, Did I miss something? There was only Susan(Sue) and MC in the room. Susan(Sue) left alone. Why did you use they?

Another sentence that weirded me out.

“She lied!” Janet said. “She never apologized to me!”
“Can you prove that?” Prince Blaise said.
After reading it, I initially decided to drop the novel but gave it another chance.

Why did I have such a strong reaction? Because it's a generic cliche. The first few chapters are an amalgamation of cliche tropes. And when I heard this stupid fucking cliche phrase, I lost my hope that you would write something not generic. All the foreshadowings about ghosts and stuff aren't new or interesting. It's fucking same villainess story, but instead of reincarnation, transmigration, system, second chance, and so on, she has ghosts. WOW, now that's new, sweet.

I'm a reader that doesn't like it when he is reminded constantly of something. By the point where the Rosie appeared, I've already lost any interest nor gave a shit about her. You've mentioned that she is two-faced so many times that you made me not care.

Oh, look, she snickered at mc! She IS a bitch, the author was right. Duh, you said it like twenty times already. Even your synopsis mentions it two times!

The other thing I don't like is that characters plays by different rules. It's not about the king having more power than the marquess. It's about the over-protective marquess not protecting his daughter even though he wanted to punch the prince. While at the same time, the prince apparently gets whatever he wants, DESPITE the fact that the king doesn't approve of the prince's behavior.

When I read chapter 4, I haven't seen the reason for her death somehow connected to the marquess. In fact, the father of the MC wasn't mentioned at all. HOW the fuck, should I look at it?

Because you asspulled this? (A small example)
“Your Majesty,” the Marquess said, “are you asking me to stand aside and let my daughter suffer?”
“Don’t think of it that way,” the King said.

Simply because there was absolutely hollow dialogue that desperately tries to look deeper than it is? Nope. I won't believe in this shit. It's not how parents talk. It's not how a father who lost his wife and only has his daughter talks either.

Another asspull.
We’ve all made mistakes, but we cannot change the past. We can only do what we can in the present moment.” Do you mean to do nothing? Cause they end up doing nothing.

Okay, let's assume that the king is evil and does approve of the prince's actions. It still doesn't explain why the fuck marquess doesn't do anything and the fact that he isn't mentioned in MCs deaths.

And there is no worldbuilding at all to help me connect the dots.

Let's look at this. We have a marquess who lost his wife because of slander, and now his daughter is subjected to the same. What can he do? Hire knights\servants who would constantly protect her and attend classes with her? Transfer MC? Give an ultimatum to the king? Talk to his daughter? Make MC take a break? Deal with Rosie? Talk to the parents of Rosie? Pressure the school? Where in the text could I see that he can't do any of that?

I'm not a reviewer who talks to you. Imagine I'm a reader, maybe a silent reader, who decided to give your novel a try. I probably won't engage in a dialogue with you. Do you know what it means? It means that I have questions and no answers. Can you imagine how I would rate your story?

I can't say anything besides ranting as I can't formulate my thought properly. Your novel is a combination of illogical generic tropes of villainess stories. Your writing isn't THAT bad, but it doesn't deserve a passing grade.

As usual, I didn't rate your story. But if I had to, 2 stars. Your plot made me rage, not because I felt that MC is pitiful, but because I thought your story is fucking bad.

 

[LessThanSavory]

Inherent Skill of Corruption

I was a trashy NEET with no friends or ambitions, nevermind something like a girlfriend or a career. After years of lazing around and doing nothing, even I realized that it would take a miracle for me to turn my life around. Luckily, I got just that. A blue haired...

www.scribblehub.com

I'd love feedback here, if you don't mind.

 

[Ishio_Mitsume]

Hopefully you don't mind a bit of seinen or mature themes. I appreciate any feedback as I need to know of my shortcomings as an author. So, if you have the time, thank you for the feedback! (●'◡'●)

Reincarnated Life of a War Hero (戦争ヒーローの復活した人生) | Scribble Hub

 

[Fox-Trot-9]

Good day to you. Before I start with the feedback, I would mention that English is my second language. I stopped reading after finishing chapter Red Pill 4: Visions, Deaths.

Now about the feedback. I think that there are make-or-break moments in novels. Either you get hooked and want to learn what's coming, or drop it. Your chapter 5(4 if you don't count the prologue) made me drop the story. It's not like I was enjoying your novel prior to it, but I kept giving it a chance to answer my questions. Unfortunately, I had none.

I will start with the way you write. I don't like it, and I think it's bad.

You use words I've either never heard of or seen once, at most twice in my life. However, is it a drawback? Well, yes, yes it is. You phrase your sentences weirdly a lot of the time, and those sentences are freaking HUGE. Because of this, I can't understand if this or that is a typo, a mistake, or something intended?

Examples.
Moments passed in silence. Moments? It sounds weird.

a water basin full of water This is weirdly phrased.

a national treasure-grade magical artifact. Again, weirdly phrased part of a sentence.

So she pushed the doors open and entered a large homeroom with a coffered ceiling and tall windows letting in the daylight and floating lanterns illuminating the rest of the classroom.
And this, and that, and those. It's hard for me to keep everything in my head. I am forced to reread such sentences to understand everything, and there are a lot of similar sentences in the text.

Then she went over and opened the armoire full of hanging nightgowns and tea gowns and ball gowns, running her hands along the floor of the armoire beneath the hems of her dresses, but found no ring whatsoever.
Same problem here.

Till Janet fell from her bed amidst a tangle of bedsheets and bed curtains and the hems of her nightgown and hit her shower-capped head on the floor.
Same problem.

“God, I hope you’re right, your Majesty,” the Marquess said. “None of us want our sins to fall on the lives of our children,” and he stalked towards the double doors and pulled them open and left the room.
Again, the same problem.

And there are a lot of weird, long sentences, with words I've never seen before. I google the word, and then I forget where I was because your sentences are as long as a whole paragraph. Because of this, I end up rereading the entire sentence. It's hard to read, and I lose my focus a lot. It's great that you try to describe things, and I like it, but I can't fully appreciate it when I'm fighting to simply understand everything.

Your dialogues are bad.

Chapter [V1] Red Pill [0]: Clones, Secrets.

“What did she say?” Conner said.
“She denied everything, of course,” he said.
“I know,” Conner said.
“Did he tell you?” Arnold said.
Conner shook his head and said, “I’ve found out through different means.”
“And those are?” Arnold said.
“Come with me,” he said, “and I’ll show you.”
Both men stood up from the table, and the Marquess said, “Where to?”

I didn't pick single phrases and compiled them into this. I simply copied a part of the whole dialogue. Have you noticed something? Because I did. In 95% of dialogue lines, someone said something.

Chapter (V4) Red Pill 16: Precautions, Agreements

“Wait,” Janet said.
“What is it?” DeeDee said.
“I want to help you,” Janet said.
“That’s not necessary,” DeeDee said, “but thank you.”
“Yes, it is necessary,” she said. “There are a lot of rooms in this house, so I want to make myself useful. I don’t wanna sit around like I’ve been doing.”
DeeDee put her hands to her hips and said, “Don’t you have homework? And I’m sure you have make-up work, as well, because you missed your classes yesterday.”
Janet looked down at her book bag beside her on the display case and deflated, saying, “Fine, have it your way.”
“That’s a good girl,” DeeDee said. “Now, if you will excuse me,” and she exited the room and had a little chat with Sir Abram and John Day before walking off down the hallway in search of old furniture, her footfalls echoing away.

Btw, the last sentence once again has a neverending stream of the word and. Which means you probably didn't fix it. And obviously, you didn't fix your dialogues. Is there a reason to constantly mention that someone SAID something? Why can't I, like, read what they are doing? And when you do mention they did something, you end up adding SAID anyway. Why?

I value readability above else, and in my opinion, you failed here. Btw, even your synopsis was hard to understand. I had to reread it three times.

About plot, worldbuilding, and characters.

There are a lot of things I found wrong, but I don't know how to start. I think I will start by mentioning a small plothole or a typo.

Chapter (V1) Red Pill 1: Dreams, Vixens

“All right, I believe you,” Susan said and got up and walked out of the room, leaving the double doors ajar.
After they left, Did I miss something? There was only Susan(Sue) and MC in the room. Susan(Sue) left alone. Why did you use they?

Another sentence that weirded me out.

“She lied!” Janet said. “She never apologized to me!”
“Can you prove that?” Prince Blaise said.
After reading it, I initially decided to drop the novel but gave it another chance.

Why did I have such a strong reaction? Because it's a generic cliche. The first few chapters are an amalgamation of cliche tropes. And when I heard this stupid fucking cliche phrase, I lost my hope that you would write something not generic. All the foreshadowings about ghosts and stuff aren't new or interesting. It's fucking same villainess story, but instead of reincarnation, transmigration, system, second chance, and so on, she has ghosts. WOW, now that's new, sweet.

I'm a reader that doesn't like it when he is reminded constantly of something. By the point where the Rosie appeared, I've already lost any interest nor gave a shit about her. You've mentioned that she is two-faced so many times that you made me not care.

Oh, look, she snickered at mc! She IS a bitch, the author was right. Duh, you said it like twenty times already. Even your synopsis mentions it two times!

The other thing I don't like is that characters plays by different rules. It's not about the king having more power than the marquess. It's about the over-protective marquess not protecting his daughter even though he wanted to punch the prince. While at the same time, the prince apparently gets whatever he wants, DESPITE the fact that the king doesn't approve of the prince's behavior.

When I read chapter 4, I haven't seen the reason for her death somehow connected to the marquess. In fact, the father of the MC wasn't mentioned at all. HOW the fuck, should I look at it?

Because you asspulled this? (A small example)
“Your Majesty,” the Marquess said, “are you asking me to stand aside and let my daughter suffer?”
“Don’t think of it that way,” the King said.

Simply because there was absolutely hollow dialogue that desperately tries to look deeper than it is? Nope. I won't believe in this shit. It's not how parents talk. It's not how a father who lost his wife and only has his daughter talks either.

Another asspull.
We’ve all made mistakes, but we cannot change the past. We can only do what we can in the present moment.” Do you mean to do nothing? Cause they end up doing nothing.

Okay, let's assume that the king is evil and does approve of the prince's actions. It still doesn't explain why the fuck marquess doesn't do anything and the fact that he isn't mentioned in MCs deaths.

And there is no worldbuilding at all to help me connect the dots.

Let's look at this. We have a marquess who lost his wife because of slander, and now his daughter is subjected to the same. What can he do? Hire knights\servants who would constantly protect her and attend classes with her? Transfer MC? Give an ultimatum to the king? Talk to his daughter? Make MC take a break? Deal with Rosie? Talk to the parents of Rosie? Pressure the school? Where in the text could I see that he can't do any of that?

I'm not a reviewer who talks to you. Imagine I'm a reader, maybe a silent reader, who decided to give your novel a try. I probably won't engage in a dialogue with you. Do you know what it means? It means that I have questions and no answers. Can you imagine how I would rate your story?

I can't say anything besides ranting as I can't formulate my thought properly. Your novel is a combination of illogical generic tropes of villainess stories. Your writing isn't THAT bad, but it doesn't deserve a passing grade.

As usual, I didn't rate your story. But if I had to, 2 stars. Your plot made me rage, not because I felt that MC is pitiful, but because I thought your story is fucking bad.

Thank you for the detailed bashing (ass-banging) of my story, sir. For the writing style, I'm sorry, but that's just my style. Sorry it wasn't to your taste. As for my synopsis, I'll try to fix that.

Also, nice catch on the plothole/typo. I can't believe I missed that!

As for my use of villainess tropes, it's a mixed bag of apologies and gentle rebuttals.

First, sorry for making your rage so much. I know that all of those tropes you've listed have been done before. Even the nice-guy prince has been done before. There's really nothing new under the sun with the villainess genre. Everything's been done before. I'm leaning into certain tropes for my story, like the asshole prince and the two-faced heroine and ghosts and mistreated villainess.

Second, sorry for beating you over the head with all the expletive-filled vitriol against the two-faced heroine (yes, yes, rage at me for using two-face more than once in this reply); as such, I've removed all the vitriol from the narration in the first 7 chapters, but it will stay in the dialogue. I'll just tone it down a bit in the dialogue. I'll do more vitriol-pruning in the next batch of chapters, as well.

Third, sorry for making your rage over the prince so much, but that's kind of the point. Asshole princes never really get pummeled, till they do something drastic. Like I said before, I'm leaning into the asshole prince trope here.

Fourth, thank you for pointing out the asspulls in connection with the Marquess and going into detail about why they were asspulls. I've revised the first chapter (the marquess/king chapter) and added more conflict and some of your suggestions. With that said, what are you trying to say in the 5th (4th) chapter about the marquess not getting mentioned in the ghost clones' deaths? I don't understand. First of all, those clones aren't MCs, they're supporting characters; Janet (their living avatar) is the only MC. Second, they wouldn't know what happened with their fathers, anyway, b/c they all died while their fathers weren't around. I'm still trying to wrap my head around what you're saying, but I've tweaked the ending of that chapter to include a mention of the marquess there.

Edit: Fuck what I just said about the marquess not being there in the clones' deaths! After taking off my writer-hat and putting on my reader-hat, I've read through what the clones said about their deaths, and now I understand what you're saying. I'm gonna need to make changes to three or four specific chapters, including the one you pointed out. Wow, those are sharp readerly eyes you've got! My four-eyed writerly self can't see past my own writing, damn it!

With all that said, I've made changes to the first 7 chapters. I'll make more changes to the other chapters.

Again, I'm sorry I made you rage so much. Hopefully, your blood pressure's okay now.

But seriously, thank you.

 

[SailusGebel]

Again, I'm sorry I made you rage so much. Hopefully, your blood pressure's okay now.

Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything wrong. I disliked your story, so what? It's not something to be sorry about.

With all that said, I've made changes to the first 7 chapters. I'll make more changes to the other chapters.

I'm one freaking picky reader out of many. Why the hell are you listening to one dude who ranted a bit? This is where they usually say that you should write for yourself.

Fourth, thank you for pointing out the asspulls in connection with the Marquess and going into detail about why they were asspulls. I've revised the first chapter (the marquess/king chapter) and added more conflict and some of your suggestions. With that said, what are you trying to say in the 5th (4th) chapter about the marquess not getting mentioned in the ghost clones' deaths? I don't understand. First of all, those clones aren't MCs, they're supporting characters; Janet (their living avatar) is the only MC. Second, they wouldn't know what happened with their fathers, anyway, b/c they all died while their fathers weren't around. I'm still trying to wrap my head around what you're saying, but I've tweaked the ending of that chapter to include a mention of the marquess there.

Edit: Fuck what I just said about the marquess not being there in the clones' deaths! After taking off my writer-hat and putting on my reader-hat, I've read through what the clones said about their deaths, and now I understand what you're saying. I'm gonna need to make changes to three or four specific chapters, including the one you pointed out. Wow, those are sharp readerly eyes you've got! My four-eyed writerly self can't see past my own writing, damn it!

Anyway, I'm sorry for being so rude. Your fourth and edit points are reasons why I'm so harsh and blunt. It's hard to understand what I say when I'm blunt. Imagine what a disaster it would be if I were to sugarcoat my opinions or try not to sound like an asshole?

Second, sorry for beating you over the head with all the expletive-filled vitriol against the two-faced heroine (yes, yes, rage at me for using two-face more than once in this reply); as such, I've removed all the vitriol from the narration in the first 7 chapters, but it will stay in the dialogue. I'll just tone it down a bit in the dialogue. I'll do more vitriol-pruning in the next batch of chapters, as well.

It's not about expletives, btw. It was about beating the dead horse. In my opinion, twice or thrice is okay. Four times is understandable. If you use it more than four times by a SINGLE character and creatively use it, it can be used as a personality trait. Like the character is ranting and stopped by others. But when a lot of people say it, I don't like it. It's my opinion, and as I said, I'm a shit author.

Third, sorry for making your rage over the prince so much, but that's kind of the point. Asshole princes never really get pummeled, till they do something drastic. Like I said before, I'm leaning into the asshole prince trope here.

I didn't rage over the prince as a character. I wasn't able to phrase what was wrong well enough. I used him as an example of how your tropes aren't meshing with each other. It wasn't the prince who was the problem. It was that odds were against him, yet because he is a trope, he gets a win. As in, gets scot-free despite ruining crowns prestige, political relationship, making king's and marquess' relationship sour, and so on.
You have a trope of an overprotective father, and the king WAS against his own son acting like that(at least on the surface). Two against one. But he still wins because his trope won't work otherwise. Well, because of that, your trope of an overprotective father isn't working. Because an overprotective father should like, protect? But instead, he ends up doing nothing. That's what I see as a reader, not an author.

Also, I rage at him precisely because I see a trope, not a character. How should I say this? Imagine that you used a jump-scare. But I'm not scared. I'm pissed off because instead of suspense and creative ways to inflict fear, you used a cheap trick. That's what I feel about the prince. He is a cheap trick, and I dislike this part.

This feedback wasn't tips on how to improve but to show you the perspective of one rude and very picky reader. You should think of what you wanted to show via your words and what scene you envisioned in your head. Then, you compare it with visions of different readers and make adjustments rather than listening to me. Good luck with your writing.

 

[Fox-Trot-9]

I'm one freaking picky reader out of many. Why the hell are you listening to one dude who ranted a bit? This is where they usually say that you should write for yourself.

Anyway, I'm sorry for being so rude. Your fourth and edit points are reasons why I'm so harsh and blunt. It's hard to understand what I say when I'm blunt. Imagine what a disaster it would be if I were to sugarcoat my opinions or try not to sound like an asshole?

This feedback wasn't tips on how to improve but to show you the perspective of one rude and very picky reader. You should think of what you wanted to show via your words and what scene you envisioned in your head. Then, you compare it with visions of different readers and make adjustments rather than listening to me.

Dude, you're the first person to point things out to me without sugarcoating it. In the absence of sugar free feedback like yours, I would've overlooked all that stuff you pointed out and would never have nipped it in the bud before the problems became too big to handle. I know already that I should write for myself, but I have my limits and blind spots. In fact, I've stalled on my story for a while now, but your feedback actually gave me ideas I could work with to help me push through.

Hence, your observations of the marquess / king doing nothing gave me ideas of how to really make my story shine. So thank you for that.

I'm a shit author.

You may be a shit author, but you're a good reader. This site needs more people like you.

Good luck with your writing.

And thanks!

 

[Ehao_Truth]

About three years ago, I started writing these two stories at the same time. Because of something in my life, I went on two very long hiatuses, and only recently came to writing seriously again this year. Well, I'm only updating one story though. Simply because I want to get it through one arc of EotB first before I go do anything else.
Here they are:

Eden of the Beginning

Eden is the most beautiful being in existence. That's it... Could Moe save the world? Or would Moe end it? (Slow start, not a normal isekai.) [Also being posted on Royal Road.]

www.scribblehub.com

A cutesy rom-com/mystery novel set in a fantasy world. It's about 70k words at the moment. Aside from the first chapter that's quite long. The rest of the chapters are about 2k-3k words.

The Conceptors Grand Archive

There's a hierarchy, places among all lives in the universe. Primitive animals, intelligent mortals, their kings, and then their gods. Then there are their gods' gods, being so powerful that even they can’t touch. However, to all of these being, there’s one thing they know, but don’t...

www.scribblehub.com

A high-concept sci-fi/fantasy mystery/comedy/thing. It's about 90k words. Chapter length varies a lot. I tried to write about 2k-3k each chapter but sometimes a scene just feels weird to split so I end up combining multiple chapters into one.

Because of how bad I was when I started, (barely knew English), the early chapters stumbled a lot, but I think the stories eventually found their strides about halfway through.

But because the starts were so bad, no one really gets to the later parts, so I can't figure out if all the later chapters that I was quite proud of writing because I put a lot of thought into them were also terrible or not.

I never had any story feedback from someone who can stomach the whole thing, basically. So if you want to be the first, I'd appreciate it.

 

[SailusGebel]

Can't believe it missed this one. I'm sitting on helluva waiting list. I'll expect to get my feedback next month, or none at all (not blaming you you're giving free shit after all).

I'll take the feedback right here. Where's the fun in private flaying?

Herein lies two choices. One be smut, and the other be post-apocalyptic drama. On the previous two feedback threads I invaded they all picked the latter (like the pussies they are).

Pick ya poison, chief.

The Problem Store

There was a guy who went by the name of Guy. He lives in a World, and has many stories to tell about it. Stories of relationships, indulgence, brotherhood, reconciliation, women, and skinship. Especially women and skinship. Guy has a lot of stories about women and skinship. You may or...

www.scribblehub.com

Kapal

Something tore the old world apart. Nobody knows what, when, why, or how. All that's left are dried remnants of the past and the birth of a new, savage, cruel world. Subjek woke up right at the cusp of a turning age for this desolate landscape; two roaring factions vying...

www.scribblehub.com

Before we start this, I would ask you to keep your usual way of speaking and jokes to a minimum. It's generally hard for me to understand you. So, if you want a dialogue, bare with me and try to use a simpler language. If you don't care and having a dialogue is not your intention, you can answer me in your usual style.

First is The Problem Store. I've stopped reading it in the middle of Chapter 1.2 | The Shower (R18).

I will start with the easy part. The only typo\mistake I noticed was in chapter 1.1.

I darted my head back towards Sin, leaving everything behind me behind me, “Carry on.”

Now to the hard parts.

I dislike the way you write, but it's not because of the quality. As it's a reader's subjective opinion, I dislike the metaphors you use, your descriptions, your jokes, and pretty much everything.

Obviously, the quality of your writing is good. Just the fact that there ARE metaphors and descriptions put you above almost every work I've reviewed so far. And they are not only present, but they are good from a technical point of view.

But from a subjective point of view, I don't like them. For example, smut scenes. I was actually either turned off or felt neutral because of the figures of speech you used.

Dialogues are a bit off. They are good, but just a tad bit off. I would personally like a little bit more action and movements from the characters.

There is a comedic undertone in the tags, and the characters probably joked, but it wasn't funny. The corner of my lip trembled once. Other than that it wasn't funny.

I can't say much about the plot because I haven't read much, but guessing from the art you've posted before and the mention of bipedal animals, furries, or whatever other words you would use, I will dislike it. Because I don't want to read about furries having sex. I'm a reader, I'm a normie, and I don't give a shit if I miss on a masterpiece because of this.

Kapal.

I've never played Fallout, and I know almost nothing about it. I've stopped reading after finishing Log 1.2 [Notches of The Blunt End – Part 2]

It's not a web\light novel, and if I wanted to read anything other than web\light novels right now, I've got a huge backlog. And even if I read through my backlog of books, your story doesn't interest me in the slightest.

I can say even fewer things as I've read even less. I can say that descriptions in Kapal didn't turn me off like in The Problem Store. What else? The quality of your writing is good, again. I don't know. It's boring.

Honestly, Ben, I like you. You are the soul of SH forums or the heart, or whatever you want to be. But I will be blunt here. Why the fuck are you asking me for feedback? You and I know, and probably all the other reviewers know. Yes, you write well, yes you won't get popular because you write slowly and only write whatever you want. There is nothing new to add here. You don't need help or feedback like many other authors do, but you still came here and asked me to read your works. It's not like you can't, but I don't understand what you expect to hear in these threads. You are like K5, who doesn't care about feedback and only wants 1-stars. Why are you cluttering the queue? You have people to talk to and ask for opinions. Why are you wasting my time and make others wait?

 

[Oreo]

Yes, you write well, yes you won't get popular because you write slowly and only write whatever you want.

+ not using aggregators and clones to boost statistics.

 

[BenJepheneT]

Alright, here are a few discrepancies I've found at the end of your feedback. Mainly towards the last paragraph. Actually, entirely in the last paragraph.

Why the fuck are you asking me for feedback? You and I know, and probably all the other reviewers know. Yes, you write well, yes you won't get popular because you write slowly and only write whatever you want. There is nothing new to add here. You don't need help or feedback like many other authors do, but you still came here and asked me to read your works.

I need feedback, chief. I don't know what kind of image you have of me but I still need as much help as I could get with my stuff. I had greyblob review Kapal and I still learned something new from his response. Just because I'm not writing with haste nor for appeal, that doesn't mean I want to smoulder in my own pile o' shit in the corner. I want to refine my craft, even if no one's reading. That's what my writing means to me. If you can't find anything new to say about my writing, then that just means you're just not my target audience, or that you didn't find my stuff interesting. It's not some deep psy-op I'm deploying, I just ended up sending my stuff to someone incompatible, is all.

Why are you cluttering the queue? You have people to talk to and ask for opinions. Why are you wasting my time and make others wait?

I sent my stuff here because, on the off chance that you do enjoy the stuff I write, I might gain new insight into it and improve. The opposite happened, so whoop de doo. I'll just pick up my bags and squat somewhere else. This isn't the first time I've gotten a non-feedback response from a feedback thread. As I said, I just send my stuff with complete disregard to see if it actually strikes or not. At best, I could have a constructive back and forth with a critic and get a new idea on how to proceed with my story. At worst, I hold back the thread by a day or two. I don't think anyone's here clinging onto life by an IV thread wishing to the stars that they could see @SailusGebel's response on their fiction before going flatline.

You are like K5, who doesn't care about feedback and only wants 1-stars.

I am many things, but never let it be known that I'm out there fetching negative responses for attention, especially for my craft. My writing is one of the few things out there I take seriously. I need feedback for my shit because there's nothing clearer and fresher than a third-party perspective. If you don't like it, so be it. I approached you with two fictions that you ended up disliking, but that doesn't mean I'm a negative attention whore.