ForestDweller
Well-known member
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2020
- Messages
- 822
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Well if you're open to my opinion, I think the issue was the sheer amount of break always. You start out in their new life. Then you cut back to their previous life, and then you cut again and again and finally again.
It's less interesting, but you could tell the story more sequentially although I recognize it would start off a little more boring then. Also, you could just be more clear about the cuts in time. Make a header that says XXXX years ago. Or more appropriately, MY PAST LIFE. Stuff like that. It's like a transitional phrase used to glue different paragraphs together, except its entire sections instead of paragraphs.
Ah, that's a fair point. Thank you for the advice.
Though I feel like adding a header that says "My Past Life" is too intrusive. It just breaks immersion, you know.
I'll try to fix it. Then maybe I'll ask for your opinion again.