I'm confused when you say writing style, how do I fix or change that?
What does writing style mean in your context?
Okay let's take a look at one of your sentences to start: "He stepped forward and held out his
hand and suddenly, there was a
sword, this sword was
unusual, as half
it's blade was pitch black and the other half was bright green." (the bold parts are objective mistakes that have nothing to do with style)
What do you see when you read this sentence? Because I see three different sentences that have been combined into one long run-on sentence. I parsed out all independent clauses below.
He stepped forward and held out his hand: Sentence one.
Suddenly, there was a sword. Sentence two.
This sword was unusual as half its blade was pitch black and the other half was bright green.
You CAN combine them grammatically but you didn't. Example one: He stepped forward and held out his hand, and suddenly, there was a sword. This sword was unusual as half it's blade was pitch black and the other half was bright green.
Example 2: He stepped forward and held out his hand. Suddenly, there was a sword; this sword was unusual as half its blade was pitch black and the other half was bright green.
Example 3: He stepped forward and held out his hand, and suddenly, there was a sword; this sword was unusual as half its blade was pitch black and the other half was bright green.
There are other ways to do this, but I took what you wrote word for word and just added the correct punctuation. I'm not telling you how to write, but if I was writing it (just as an example of how these ideas could be conveyed) I'd say, "The shadow-man crept towards me, his hand held out. A (insert description here) sword materialized in the haze; one half of the blade was black as night, the other half emerald green.
Correct grammar. Descriptive and colorful language that paints a picture. And a flow from one sentence to the next by varying sentence lengths and using comas, dashes, and semicolons to create varying lengths.
Okay that's all well and good, but how do you LEARN these things. First, learn the rules of the English language. What is an independent clause vs. a dependent clause? Did you know that in terms of use, commas, dashes, and parenthesis are all the same thing whose only differences are the level of emphasis they place on the idea? So that's step one.
Next, the advice old as time is to critically read authors you enjoy and look at what they do. I'm not talking about reading for enjoyment. I'm talking about studying their prose to see HOW they write. And if you want to take it a little further, you can then do exercises to try and write like them. You can take the sentences they wrote and reorganize them. Take a preposition from the end and put it in the beginning. Take joined independent clauses and separate them. Take dependent ideas and turn them into their own sentences.
If you have any more questions feel free to message me directly. I'd be happy to go over your chapters in greater detail if you want.